The Link 13 Humour

welcome to this issue of humour,we do
hope that you understand our brand of
humour.  if not rigamortis excreta,in
english shift shit.

if you have anything,that you would like
to contribute,then please send it into
us and we will place it here.  remember
please print,as some of the writing we
have been getting on the vote sheets is
very hard to read.

so sit back,kick your shoes off and have
a good laugh on us.  thank you for your
continued support. editors dave & daniel
this first joke should hit home to just
about everybody,if it doesn't then let
us know why!

the boss
--------
when the lord made man,all parts of the
body argued over who would be the boss.

the brain explained,that since he contr-
olled all parts of the body,he should be
boss.

the legs argued that,since they took the
man wherever he wanted to go,they should
be boss.

the stomach countered with the explana-
tion that since he digested all the food
he should be boss.

the eyes said that without them,the man
would be helpless,so they should be boss

then the ARSE-HOLE applied for the job!

the other parts of the body laughed so
hard that the arse-hole became mad and
closed up.

after a few days the brain went foggy,
the legs got wobbly,the stomach got ill,
the eyes got crossed and unable to see.

they all conceded and made the arse-hole
boss.

this proves,that you don't have to be a
brain to be the boss....

just an ARSE-HOLE
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what is a blondes mating call?

oh,hell i'm pissed.
there was this guy who really took care
of his body.  he lifted weights & jogged
6 miles everyday.  one morning he looked
in the mirror and was admiring his body
and noticed,that he was suntanned all
over,with the exception of his penis,
which he redily decided to do something
about.

he went to the beach,completely got un-
dressed,and buried himself in the sand,
except for his penis,which he left stick
ing out.

2 little old ladies were strolling along
the beach,one using a cane.  upon seeing
the thing sticking out of the sand,she
began to move it around with her cane,
remarking to the other little old lady.

"there really is no justice in this
world".  the other little old lady said,
"what do you mean?"

the first old lady said,"look at that..
when i was 20 i was curious about it..
when i was 30 i enjoyed it,when i was 40
i asked for it,when i was 50 i paid for
it,when i was 60 i prayed for it,when i
was 70 i forgot about it,and now that i
am 80 the damn things are growing wild
and i'm too old to squat."
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how does a blonde kill a fish?

she drowns it.
----------------------------------------
a blonde and a brunette are walking and
the brunette says "look at the dead bird

the blonde looks up and says "where"
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why don't blondes like to breast feed?

it hurts to boil their nipples.
your guide to the stars
-----------------------
aquarius (jan 21- feb 21)
------------------------
you have an inventive mind and you are
inclined to be progressive.  you lie a
great deal,on the other hand you are
inclined to be careless and impractical,
causing you to make the same mistakes
repeatedly.  everyone thinks you are a
fucking jerk.

pisces (feb 22- mar 21)
----------------------
you have a vivid imagination and often
think you are being followed by the fbi
or cia.  you have minor influence over
your good friends and people resent you
for flaunting your power.  you lack
confidence and are generally a coward.
pisces people screw small animals and
pick their noses.

aries (mar 22- apr 20)
----------------------
you are a pioneer type and hold most
people in contempt.  you are quick on
temper,impatient and scornful of advice.
you are a prick.

taurus (apr 21- may 21)
-----------------------
you are practical and persistant.  you
have dogged determination and work like
hell.  most people think you are stub-
born and bull headed.  you are nothing
but a goddam communist.

gemini (may 22- jun 21)
-----------------------
you are quick,intelligent and a thinker.
people like you because you are bisexual
however,you are inclined to expect too
much for too little.  this means you are
a cheap bastard.  gemini's are notorius
for thriving on incest.

cancer (jun 22- jul 23)
-----------------------
you are sympathetic and understanding to
other peoples problems.  they think you
are a sucker.  you are always putting
things off.  that is why you will always
be on welfare and won't be worth a shit.

leo (jul 24- aug 23)
--------------------
you consider yourself as a born leader.
others think you are pushy.  most leo's
are bullies.  you are vain and cannot
tolerate honest criticism.  your arro-
gance is disgusting.  leo people are
thieving bastaards and kiss mirrors a
lot.

virgo (aug 24- sep 23)
----------------------
you are the logical type and hate dis-
order.  this shit picking is sickening
to your friends.  you are cold and un-
emotional and often fall asleep while
fucking.  virgo's make good bus drivers
and pimps.

libra (sep 24- oct 23)
you are the artistic type and have a
difficult time with reality.  if you are
male,you are probably queer.  chance for
employment and monetary gains are excel-
lent.  most libra women are whores.  all
libra's die of veneral disease.

scorpio (oct 24- nov 22)
------------------------
you are shrewd in business and cannot be
trusted.  you shall achieve the pinnacle
of success because of your total lack
of ethics.  you are the perfect son-of-a
bitch.  most scorpio people are murdered

sagittarius (nov 23- dec 22)
----------------------------
you are optimistic and enthusiastic.
you have a reckless tendency to rely on
luck since you have no talent.  the
majority of sagittarians are drunks and
pot heads.  people laugh at you a lot
because you are always getting fucked.

capricorn (dec 23- jan 20)
--------------------------
you are conservative and afraid of
taking risks.  you are basically chicken
shit.  there has never been a capricorn
of any importance.  you should kill your
self.
----------------------------------------
what does a blonde and a bottle of beer
have in common?

both are empty from the neck up.
----------------------------------------
what do you call a brunette between 2
blondes?

an interpreter.
----------------------------------------
why should you go shopping with a blonde

you can park in the handicapped zone.
this one i heard the other day,i hope
you get as big a kick out of it as i did

a man,an ostrich and a pussy cat walked
into the pub one day.  the man ordered 3
beers,20 minutes later the bird ordered
the same,when it came to the cats turn,
he just shook his head.

this went on for several hours,and it
got the better of the bartender,who said
to the man,how come you and the bird
have shouted and the cat just sits there

the man said it's all my fault you see,i
was walking along the beach,when i came
across a bottle in the sand.  i gave it
a kick and fuck me dead,out came this
genie,who said you can have one wish.

i asked him for a long legged bird with
a tight pussy,and this is what he gave
me.
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that's all for this issue.  we hope that
we have made some of you laugh.  if you
would like to have your jokes published
here,then please send them into us and
we will see what we can do.  please make
sure you print them,thanks fellas.