Skyhigh 21 Independence

I N D E P E N D A N C E

>>The Scene does not affect me, it's just a hobby!<<

This or similar sentences can be often heard or read
from other sceners. But is that true? Can your real
life and your scene-life be easily divided? I don't
think so, and I really don't think, that anybody could
really say this, when he reconsidered about it a se-
cond time...

Just take the normal way of starting as a scener,
you contact somebody and start up working on this
machine, as a graphician, you pixel logos for various
products, the more spread, the better, as a musician
you do tunes for various mags, as a cracker, you try
to get the latest ories, and as a swapper, you try to
get as many new contacts as possible, to have the
newest stuff.  All of this takes time, and this time
gets subtracted from your sparetime. The way to
fame in the scene means being active in the beginning
and fulfilling this demand forces you to cut down
your other activities, and this is some affect on your
life...
Moreover there is the friendship, yes, the friendship
lots of people muck about these days. Walking to the
mailbox bears a lot more tension, when you know,
that there may be a sending in addition to them bills
to be paid and the commercial crap. Sooner or later
you will discover yourself walking more than one
time to the mailbox, as the postman "may" have for-
gotten your sending, or "may" be late...
This leads to a slight addiction, you send out more
often, you write to new contacts and scan the mags
for your handle. This tendency for getting commonly
known lies within our subconscious, we can't do any-
thing against it, it's a natural urge...

Then you start prostituting yourself, you do your
work for anybody, who wants it, you crack every shit
that comes out, or you answer any geek, that sends
to you. This period could last the whole scenetime,
like some other graphician I know, for example, did
a logo for an anti-intro, and on the other hand did
the logos for the mag of this special group. Hypo-
crisy blooms, or what?

Sooner or later life will fight back, you will be for-
ced to cut down your activity, may it be professional
reasons, money problems, or a relation, taking more
time than the normal ones. At this stage you will re-
cognize, that with your hyperactivity in the beginning
you formed a role of your own, that people cannot
understand you can not fulfill anylonger. You can
sense a certain pressure from the scene, they got
used to you being that active and doing some fast
work here and there, and you feel somehow sorry
disappointing them.
At this stage you will inevitably recognize, that the
scene does affect your life, you'll recognize it the
first evening you skip getting out and spend your
time answering that send or doing that logo instead.
This stage requires a certain self-defense. You got
to take your limits, you got to distinguish yourself
from the others, you got to have enough self-confi-
dence to say "NO" without fearing to be attacked or
loosing profile. As a graphician you start going away
from the lookalike style, you push yourself further
into making more artistic and complex shapes and
you start taking as many time as you want for it.
This independance however requires backup from
your group, and in this period you'll discover, if your
group is the right one or not...

But back to the topic, independance, being a scener
takes a lot of time, most probably more time than
another hobby like collecting stamps or dancing.
This time is substracted from your sparetime. On the
one hand it's really cool, to be known, to be admired,
to have a good chart position, to be an "idol"   or let's
say a creativity-source for others, but on the other
side, it's a lot of public demand and pressure. The
more you get known, the more is expected from you,
and being the active dude, makes people easily for-
get, that you may have a real life, that demands and
puts pressure on you the same way, if not more...

It's tricky, the more you do, the more will be expec-
ted from you, no matter if the result is better or
worse. I could go back to my starting days as well,
and do fast 20 minutes logos for everybody, but it
just doesn't give me anything anymore. I am known,
now I see my work as a graphician more as an ex-
pression of my creativity, than just helping out
others. I start switching off the compi, without sa-
ving at all, when I don't consider a work of mine good
enough, I start telling others not to ask me for gfx,
when they want something fast, and I am in control
of the time I spend on the compi.

Achieving this stage took me a somewhat longer time,
but it's necessary, and I won't tell you, that the
scene doesn't affect me anylonger, I will just tell
you, that I found my way dealing with it!

Cup!d./.Avantgarde