Network 03 Network special

 *Network Special
 -----------------
 Well, in the last edition of Network
 Special, we have reported about the
 secret diary from Francis Drake, but
 there is still something missing, for
 sure!
 This can only mean a total description
 how to become such a glorious pirate!

 We'll now start a new 'do it yourself'
 creation...    [Ed.: No mastrubating!]
 The first assumptions should be:

 *Young enough, dynamic and successful.
 *Witty and charmeful.
 *Courageous and not married.
 *Perversion and to be horney should be
  congential.
 *Rum should not defeat you.
 *Be sure, not to be sea-sick.
 *Don't be soft, condomes are useless..

 That were the first conditions you
 might bring with you...

 If not skilled in any form, you should
 better press the
                     button...


 If you think you can become a pirate,
 then leave the computer now and visit
 a local sail-school, in order to learn
 about navigation and other sea-crap...

 Now you know the unessential facts
 about piratism,  [£]^< but please lay
 your sword aside ;<=>?for a couple of
 minutes, because      we want to
 educate you in        the essential
 facts about the       glory to be a
 pirate.

 Now you are ready to read (& excecute)
 the important part of this 'do it..'
 action...

 First of all you should know about the
  mercantile part of piratism.
 ------------
 It's useful to take a closer look at
 the second-hand-ship-market.
 Very important is:*Leaky      [yes/no]
                   *Cannons    [yes/no]
                   *Sails      [yes/no]
                   *Control  [Auto/man]
                   *Wood     [good/bad]
                   *Size [S/M/L/XL/XXL]
                   *Extra  [normal/lux]
 Our tip for you.
 *Leaky..............[no, 2 years TUEF]
 *Cannons.[yes,as much as it can carry]
 *Sails..............[yes, very useful]
 *Control...[Manual, 6 gears + 2 backs]
 *Wood......[Good, but metal is better]
 *Size................[XXL=War-Galeone]
 *Extras.[Delux, with warm pool,toilet,
          refrigerator, lay-'em down
          seats...]


 Buy a parrot: [Checklist]
 --------------------------
 *Color
 *Size [Head and body]
 *Male or female
 *Memory [size of head, up to 1MB]
 *Fly able [?]
 *Speaks languages [interpretation]
 *Healthy [?]



 If you want the parrot to speak, then
 learn the language from parrots and
 tell him that you want him to speak,
 or have a nice diner in the evening!
                   ...It works, indeed!
 [Ed.: Parrot for diner, you know?]
 --------------------------------------
 And now the useful protection against
 the not windy periode...
                                     ^
        Buy slaves for ruddering!
      ----------------------------
 A little tip: Buy slaves in Europe!
 Expensive but powerful...
 --------------------------------------

 But there are still some things to buy
 or to be plundered.
 -License to sail............[ha,ha,ha]
 -License to kill [You have it already]
 -A pretty girl to f++k. [For CALT/GFT]
 -Buccaneers............[Who loves you]
 -Rum and beer.......[For the evenings]
 -Weaponary...........[Useful to fight]
 -Galeons-figure.....[For the horniest]
 -Chains...............[For the slaves]
 -and what ever you want, if you have
  enough money....

 For more informations write to:

     Keyword:'Do it yourself'
             666 Pirate-Island
              Caribic-Ocean          ^

               press 'F7' or move
 Another point is that you have to
 organize the crew. (Buccaneers are
 useful, but take a look at their
 qualifications...)

 For example:-Jason is a professional
              sailraiser...
             -Bitnapper a good look-out
             -Venice keeps the plunder.
             -Croon is Torture-king..
             -Brix is cannonier..
             -A-Bomp is navigator....
 You see, that it's not useful to have
 fighters. There must be a cook, to
 make sure not to die of starvation...
 --------------------------------------

 Well, you should think about a good
 place to hide, because it's not wise
 to anchor in a harbour all the time..
 Use a little island and build up a
 pirate-tavern (Striptease,Beer contest
 and parties..).
 But think twice, you should not search
 for an island in our waters, because
 our pirates are always hungry on fresh
 meat and new ships...
 We don't care about you having the big
 fleet. We have the experience in
 fighting and boarding. Also plundering
 and sinking is our speciality.
 --------------------------------------

 Make sure to get your buccaneers
 educated in handling a cannon or a big
 pirates pistol....
 Our tip: Fill the gun with a load of
 -------- powder and a well-sized [M]
          cannonball and try to blast
          bottles away. There should be
          200-300 meters between you
          and the bottle...
          But drink it before shooting.

 Make sure to buy enough powder and
 matches to light it up...


 Our tip: Test the Look-out in reading
 -------- big and small letters. So you
          can figure out the blind ones
          who couldn't see a ship
          standing infront of them...

 Remember: It's useful to buy a pirate-
 --------- flag, too! Just because it
           will make the other sailours
           frightend...


 Now it's time to leave the computer
 again to buy all the things we have
 written down on the pages before...

 You have one month time for the
 organization and we'll see you in the
 second episode of this 'do it ...'!

 We'll continue with some technical
 details about fighting and plundering.

                       -Flim Flam & PJD