Domination 05 Dumb & dumber
- Dumb & Dumber *
Greetings dear reader, welcome to a somewhat new chapter for this magazine. The concept of satire or a lighter side to the scene is not a new concept in magazines. Originally started in the Sh0ck magazine, scene satire changes per magazine, say between Sh0ck and The Pulse or between Vandalism and Sh0ck.
I hope to add another twist in the irony field, pure harmless fun and entertainment. None of the following is real or has happened and must be considered for the purpose of a laugh and not an insult.
Contributions are welcome, and if support is good, this section may turn into a regular chapter for Domination.
Now over to YOU!
Respected scener caught with pants down?
Talented German scener Hok/AVT/Empire took what was coming just a little to quickly lately, notorious for his sexual pranks and perversions on young school girls, he's been found out again. Sources indicate he is having an elaborate phone affair with a Nebraska/USA C64 sysop. The female sysop, who will remain anonymous, reports that he wants to masturbate over the telephone. Hok states:
"But I’m not the only one she's into, I am thinking about dumping her, apparently someone from the UK and another man from Belgium are also screwing her, she's just a three timing bitch!"
But Westbam/Legend claims: "The truth here is finally revealed, this loser is just a Homo On Knees.."
Meanwhile at the home of Chotaire/Alphaflight: tap tap.. der der.. (pause) tap tap ding! ding! ding! ding! At last! i've found the method to generate at & t calling cards!.. bahahaha I'm the best, AT&T suckers will never learn!!.. hahahaha.."
and at the house of Jack Alien/AVT & Suicide/AVT:
Suicide: "ya, ya I’m really going to fix you this time, take this!!.." huhhuhuh (moaning sounds)
Jack Alien: "huh huh, that's it baby.. whoooah!! what a crack.. ugh ugh gnnn.."
Extremist/Empire longer jail sentence?!
The long winded case of OJ Simpson has come to an end. OJ (the Orange Jump suit man) was convicted NOT GUILTY, after a mad raving Canadian man killed all 12 members of the 80% white coloured jury.
He was heard screaming: "Empire will live again, hahaha, quality at its finest". It is still not known how the person escaped from high security prison in Toronto/Canada. Since, the OJ Simpson jury have been replaced by a black jury and he was released after a NOT GUILTY plea was heard. The Canadian was returned to Toronto to serve life imprisonment for murder and for lame future forecasts.
- Top 10 scene singles:
1. I wanna be a cowboy - Chotaire of Alpha Flight.
2. I'm too sexy - Deff of Avantgarde.
3. Like a virgin - Styx of Alphaflight.
4. Yellow submarine - Nightshade of Success*TRC.
5. I am da best - Tranziie of Hitmen.
6. Hair - Kingfisher/Triad & Jazzcat/Onslaught.
7. Big is beautiful - Airwolf of Genesis*Project.
8. Jailhouse rock - Majesty/Onslaught & Tyree/Legend
9. Hotel California - Thor of Glory.
10. The man with the plan - Newscopy of F4CG.
Did you know that...
- Ignorance/AFL enjoys cracking games 24 hours a day and does jewel versions whilst wearing a snotrag as a mini-skirt?
- Jack Alien/AVT does the same whilst chatting to his best scene pal and girlfriend, Kirby of Atlantis...
- Calypso/AFL/AMN cheats stamps with purple electrical tape? (Ed: C'mon Terry use the glue!)
- Crossfire/Motiv8 completely recodes games from machine language to basic so that the chances of
needing TRSI to NTSC fix the code is very slim?
- Hain/F4CG carded a brand new $2000 pair of glasses for Massive Onslaught/Style. MO' said 'it's impossible to NTSC fix' so back to the normal 'Massive Glasses' for him...
Did you know that...
- Hunter/Talent/Ikari/Hotline/Extacy and Angel Dust/Laxity/Tide/Dle/Lepsi are the same person?
- Deff/AVT personally knows the graphician of the killer game 'Baby Blues' like the back of his nose?
- Newscopy/F4CG is married to a 300 pound bowl of camel shit?
- Jazzcat/Onslaught is currently in a court battle with German software label 'Bastards with noodles'?
- RRR/Oxyron's principal to an objective magazine is quote; 'In order to fly you must completely miss the ground.'
and at the rehabilitation centre of NTI/Angry: 'I apologize dear readers for the extremely bad smell, but my magazine REALLY stinks!'.
Peacemaker finds new skills!
After a great progress in the NTSC fixing department Rene' has struck oil again, with another brilliant and totally original solution to a long term problem. Peacemaker says revealed to Domination... 'Doing two things at the one time is now indeed possible for example, slamming your erect penis with a door over 27 times will make you cum and eventually speak & write better English also, not that I would know of course...'
Over the past several months Rene's English level has improved dramatically, one may draw their own conclusions...
What's the difference between The Mistress/Angry and a Commodore 64? You only have to punch information into a computer once. (Ed: joy joy, i should move to Europe just for the cool boxing bag!)
- Top 10 scene movies *
1. Forrest Gump an autobiography - Enduro of Fairlight
2. Debbie done me - Bod of Talent.
3. Wares world - Jack Alien of Avantgarde.
4. Green Peace - Freestyle of Avantgarde.
5. Rejected - Shok'ray/Ex-Hitmen.
6. Lost at semen - The Mistress of Angry.
7. The comeback - The Mercenary of Empire.
8. Oh Stephanie, oh! - Nme of Illusion.
9. Mr.Bean in NY - Vengeance of Onslaught.
10. The Stand - Chotaire of AFL and AT&T.
and just another COCK avoiding post..
Formatting lamer pressures sysops:
Respected sysop and Texan scener Alchemist/Success*TRC have had major set-backs lately with his BBS, 'The Dungeon' being completely formatted for the 15th time in 2 weeks... According to reliable sources from Sweden, Kyle then went into a mad frenzy and ate his hard drive, C64 and two telephones. His farts now smell like dot matrix printer ribbons and all he can say for himself is.. 'AT&T, how may I help you?'
The same goes for fellow member Guzzler/Success*TRC, reliable sysop of 'The Lost Empire', after his board was formatted he consumed so much alcohol that his regular weekly stomach pump-out wasn't enough, he has turned into what one would describe as a reflection of a large urine sample.
...and at the cottage of Manfred Trenz:
Ring ring... ring ring.. Manfred-: "Hello?" Caller-: "Hi! I am a c64 representative and I wish to interview you for my magazine Relax. What do you say? ' Manfred-: "Sorry, no interviews, I’m busy." click.
and at the home of Marc/Alpha Flight:
Ring ring... Marc-: "Hello, Marc speaking... " Caller-: "Great news, I have just completed a interview with Manfred Trenz, wanna leech it from me?"
Wisdom and violence don't mix:
Derbyshire Ram/AVT was raided earlier this week, F.A.S.T officials say they received a call from a Mike in Germany with information on an illegal activist located in the UK. 'We quickly intercepted only to be struck with the offender's walking cane.' said one sorely beaten F.A.S.T employees. Derbyshire Ram's wife, a judge by profession gave Barry a charge of guilty on software fraud related crimes and sentenced him to 2 years home imprisonment with no computer. (Ed: damn life’s a bitch, eh Barry?!)
Domination: That's all for this issue, any weird scene activities, do you know something funny about a scener? put pen to paper and reach us at the Editorial address.
In next issue, stay tuned for some bizarre homosexual activities between a German original supplier and a graphician...