Nordic Scene Review 07
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Nordic Scene Review #07 - Solo career
Nordic Scene Review #07 - Solo career
[Puterman]
Things don't always work out the
way you want them to, and this time
they really didn't work out at all.
My fellow editors were too damn busy
to produce any text at all for this
issue, so I had to do it all by myself.
But to not make the whole mag speak
with a single voice, I have programmed
our advanced AI systems to emulate the
opinions of Twoflower and Nightlord,
which means this issue should be just
as conversational and multifaceted as
the previous issues.
My original idea was to release this
mag more than a month ago, to get the
Breakpoint reviews out to our beloved
(and behated) readers. Unfortunately
that didn't work out quite as I'd hoped
it would, but then again, you already
knew that life sucks, right? But here
it is at last, later than ever.
Speaking of the Breakpoint releases,
I think it was nice to see a bunch
of real demos released there again.
Mekka/Symposium used to be the demo
compo of the year, until suddenly
all the big groups decided to pack it
up and quit releasing. Of course we
miss groups like Oxyron, Crest, Bosse
Design and Smash Design, but instead
we get Singular and Bennysoft releases.
I hope that this will continue, because
the continental groups are needed
if the scene's going to live for two
more weeks.
Another thing that's evident if you read
the reviews in this issue is that there
are a bunch of new groups releasing
demos. And at least one of the groups
that's probably still considered as new
by most conservative oldtimers, Panda
Design, is already starting to feel like
an institution. I just hope that all
these other new groups do what Panda did
and keep releasing. Not just releasing,
of course, they should sharpen their
coding weapons (unless they're firearms,
there's no point in sharpening those)
and deliver better warez the next time.
I know from personal experience that
it's quite easy to reach a level where
you consider yourself a decent coder,
you can do most of the standard tricks
and can throw together a release pretty
quickly if you have to. The next
step is harder: to go where no man
has been an eagle in a rocketship up
in cyberspace of eternal death and
king of bongo before. Or to put it in
less demented sounding words: to start
doing stuff that looks interesting to
others than yourself and your fanclub.
Life isn't just about bitches and money
(no disrespect to N.W.A., of course),
it's also about spending weeks putting
together a kickass effect, release it
and hear people say "wowee muthafucka"
when it's shown on the bigscreen.
Taking a life or two, that's what the
hell I do, I guess...
The song you're listening to is a
composition by Maktone, the man with
gold in his beard, dedicated to his
sister Kristin who turns 20 today.
Big fat congratulations to her!
Credits
Text by Puterman.
Music by Maktone.
Breakpoint demos
Breakpoint demos
Animatron by TRSI
[Puterman]
This feels like Reanim8ed by Hitmen,
but much less ambitious, and much less,
well... good. The animations are
completely pointless and don't even
look good. The only positive thing I
can think of is the music, especially
the tune by Jeff, which is pretty cozy,
even if it sounds like a complete ripoff
of an old Drax tune.
[Puterflower]
If I were really Twoflower, I'd probably
have something positive to say about
the music as well.
[PuterEd]
If I were really Ed, I'd probably say
something really clever about something.
Or maybe I'd just be fucking boring.
Oh well.
Unicorn by Chorus
[Puterman]
Nordic Loader Review gives this one
a thumb pointing firmly towards hell,
as it crashes after the first part.
[PuterEmu]
"Nordic Emulator Review", a sister
publication of "Nordic Too Tired and
Pissed to Setup Another C64 Review"
thinks that Clarence is superduper
at coding oldschool demos with soul.
The intro DYPP, the chess part, the
greetings, they don't just look good,
they also make me feel good. The smooth
filled vectors are really smooth and
nice and I can think of few things that
are as oldschool as filled vectors.
[PuterHarsh]
What brings this demo down is Leon's
horrible unicorn picture. I don't know
about the rest of you... Actually I do,
I know from CSDb comments etc. that
you love his graphics, but I wanted
to start that sentence that way, so
I'll do it anyway: I don't know about
the rest of you, but I find most of
Leon's graphics absolutely horrible.
The colours look like they were buried
in the eighties and untombed by some
insane nostalgia freak, and the motives
look like the stuff that you'd find in
Boris Vallejo's toilet, if you'd be
interested to to take a look in it.
(Most people claim that they like
constructive criticism. Okay, here's
a helpful comment to Leon: Maybe you
should try making music instead?)
[PuterFlower]
I have to point out the Leon have some
skills in mixing colours and stuff,
which I suppose is relevant if you're
into pixelling porn.
[PuterReReview]
So they released a "collectors edition"
of this demo as well, which I suppose is
another way of saying "100% version".
I was of course curious to see if this
collectors edition would have a loader
that would please a demo collector such
as myself, or if collectors are supposed
to have some specific type of drive.
(Demo collectors aren't necessarily
drive collectors, are they?) It seems
the Chorus Laboratories have determined
that you have to have some specific
type of drive. Too bad, because the
demo still kicks ass, and I'd love to
watch it on real hardware without the
hassle of having to setup another C-64.
Error 23 by Resource and The Dreams
[PuterDrive]
Nordic Loader Review sadly have to
report that this one also crashes on
my 128d, just when I was starting to
feel really positive about Oswald's
way of taking old and boring 90's
parts and making them look really
nice. The bumpmapper is an absolutely
wonderful way to start a demo, I haven't
bothered to even start thinking about
the optimizations used, but that's
a jawdropper. Another jawdropper is
that the picture by Leon, used as
a backdrop in the jelly cube part,
actually looks nice. So okay, keep
working on your graphics, some music
editors are a bit hard to learn...
[Puterman]
While most parts are really fast and
smooth (the tunnel sure doesn't run
in full framerate, but it's much
better than any other tunnel I've
see), the chess waver looks too slow
to be serious. What's up with that?
Maybe Oswald needs to talk to Britelite
or Clarence to learn some tricks.
All in all, this is a kick ass demo.
/me likes
[PuterLord]
Yes, I agree that the coding is kickass,
but wouldn't it be sort of cool if it
also told a story? Also, wouldn't it be
cool if me or Twoflower (the real one)
were involved here, so that we could say
something about the music, which fucking
Puterman always seems to fucking ignore?
[Puterman]
Yo embryo, I absolutely agree that
that'd be cool, but it's a sad and
well known fact that 99% of the music
produced on the C-64 is boring as hell,
which is why I usually don't even
mention it. I can't even remember the
music in this one, so I guess it wasn't
all that interesting. But then again,
who cares? Turn off the demo music and
put on some other music instead.
Non Plus Ultra by Singular
Singular again? We reviewed a demo by
them in the last issue, and here they
are again. What is this, Fairlight? :)
[PuterLord]
Puterman's shameless self promotion has
to stop.
[PuterDrive]
Anyway, Nordic Loader Review are very
happy to get so much attention, while
the rest of us might think it's a bit
pathetic that ONE OUT OF FOUR FUCKING
TOP FOUR DEMOS FROM THE BREAKPOINT
DEMO COMPO MANAGED TO RUN ON MY 128D.
HEY, GREAT WORK GUYS! WAY TO GO!
THIS IS THE FUTURE OF DEMOMAKING!
WHO CARES IF DEMOS RUN ON REAL FUCKING
HARDWARE ANYWAY, AS LONG AS THEY LOAD
QUICKLY IN VICE (OR ON A C64C WITH A
1541-II OR WHATEVER) EVERYONE'S HAPPY.
DO YOU WANT ME TO START USING THE
'R' WORD? I'M SURE FUCKING NAFCOM AND
FUCKING MERMAN OF FUCKING PEOPLE OF
FUCKING LIBERTY COULD HAVE MANAGED TO
GET A FUCKING LOADER TO FUCKING WORK,
EVEN IF IT FUCKING MEANT THEY'D HAD
TO FUCKING FUCK ELEPHANTS IN ORDER TO
FUCKING DO SO.
[PuterSober]
I'd just like to point out that Nafcom
and Merman actually never managed
to link a decent loader themselves.
Just to get the facts straight.
[Puterman]
Okay, shit happens. Quite a few demos
fail to work on different hardware
configurations, I can understand that,
I've released tons of demos that fail
to work on most 1541-II's myself.
Of course, if people would have told
me about it, I would have tried to do
something about it. That's why I'm
telling you all now that you might
want to test your loaders on different
hardware. Among the loaders that
I've used so far, which are the ones
that are widely available, I haven't
noticed any problems with Dreamload yet.
That one was used in all of Maktone's
music collections. Taboo's loader
seems to fail on 1541-II, and some
versios of Krill's loader don't work
on 128d systems. The same goes for
some versions of Sensei's loader, and
that one by the guy in Cream (Madrom?),
which was used everywhere for some time
in the 90s.
[PuterFlower]
I have to point out that the loader in
this demo is actually DreamLoad, though,
so it seems The Dreams are actually
turning into The Nightmares.
[Puterman]
Anyway, maybe Nordick Fucking Emulator
Review should say something about the
demo then...
The vector object in front of the
scrolling picture is a really cool part,
except that Leon strikes back again, in
his usual style. Here's a crash course
in good taste: skies don't fucking
look like that, not in this life, nor
the next, and if you're trying to be
creative, don't use those piss-ugly
colours!
The above mentioned part is probably the
highlight of this effect show, which
makes me think of Mortalis Arisen by
64ever or (for less recent examples)
anything by AEG. There are effects,
there are graphics, there are sounds.
They're not bad. However, they don't
have soul, they don't have data, they
don't make me feel.
I don't have a clue why this demo won
the compo. In my book this is a clear
third place, as the demos by Resource
and Chorus were both better. But what
do I know, maybe all the serious voters
got food poisoning from eating bad curry
wurst or maybe they were all beaten up
by some aggressive Hungarian t-shirt
salesman. Shit happens, and then you
marry one.
Prophecy and Faith by Civitas
The only one who could ever come up with
a demo concept like this is Zeitgeist.
I'm sure Nightlord knows what I'm
talking about. :)
[PuterLord]
Of course, I guess they made this one as
compensation for the fact that I never
completed that philosopher demo.
[Puterman]
The one that I started working on waaaay
back in 1963, yes.
Unfortunately it's not a very well
implemented demo. Sure, it has a loader
that FUCKING WORKS ON MY 128D (THUMBS
UP, ONLY CIVITAS MAKES IT FUCKING
POSSIBLE!), there are no serious bugs
as far as I can see etc. But really,
there's nothing to keep us watching it
either. Sure, there's the faint hope
that some remotely interesting part
might show up, but we're really back
to basics here. This is the kind of
stuff you can pull off after learning
the absolute basics, $d016, $d011,
$d012, bla-bla. So, no interesting
code. Well, this is a concept demo,
so who cares. Well, as a concept demo,
it's pretty uninteresting. The "story"
is well-known and all we get here is
a couple of quotes from ancient and
medieval writers, combined with wired
hires pictures.
I wasn't exactly bored while watching
this demo, in a way it doesn't do
anything wrong, it's not exaggeratedly
slow, but it does keep you waiting a
while now and then, and there aren't
any obvious flaws. On the other hand,
there's nothing inherently positive
about it either. Nothing to keep you
awake. And the music has a tendency to
loop a few times too many. In a way,
the music is nice, it makes me think of
Rob Hubbard (you know, the guy that all
C-64 musicians like to say they like,
although they'd never even dream of
making a tune in a style resembling
his, as Drax's is a much better style
to try to mimic). Thumbs up for that,
but really, it's not very interesting...
[PuterFlower]
Damn, I probably have some opinion here,
but Puterman can't really figure out
what I'd say if I was really me, so
I'll just give up and admit that I'm
not really me.
[Puterman]
Interesting stuff from Twoflower there,
but let's get on with the review.
So, all in all, it's not incompetent,
but I'd be happy if it had been a bit
more interesting. The only part I find
a bit interesting is the techtech one.
Not on a technical level, but visually
it seems to have something to transmit.
Not enough to make me recommend anyone
to watch the demo though. Sorry.
I still wonder how Zeitgeist manages
to dig up people like the coder of
this demo. According to the note,
this Bytecult fellow is some new,
unknown coder. He managed to recruit
me, then Nightlord, now this Bytecult
guy. And all he does is sit around and
play jazz on his guitar and read about
medieval justice. He's got unusual
skills, that's for sure.
Reading the note (does anyone else
do that?) after watching the demo
and writing the above text, it seems
this wasn't Zeitgeist's demo at all
(wot?) and it wasn't him that found
Bytecult, it was the other way around
(it's a weird, weird world). In a way,
the note is more worth watching that
the demo itself, but it's also almost
infinitely slow, so I won't recommend
anyone to read it on a real machine,
like I did. Damn, couldn't you have
flipped those pages a bit faster?
This is torture!
Beach Party 1988 by Megahawks Inc.
Ah, Megahawks Incorporated, my favorite
Italian stallions... If this had
actually been made back in 1988, I'm
sure pathetic oldtimers would speak of
them with great respect over at CSDb.
"Wow, man, do you remember the tribute
part to MacGyver in Beach Party 1988?"
"Yeah, it was fucking awesome, but
I still wonder what MacGyver's first
name was..."
They'd probably also go: "Wow, man,
do you remember all the stuff you
could do while the second part loaded?"
"Yeah, man, I used to wash my long hair
(hockeyfrilla, of coz), walk the dog,
dream of fucking the cutest girl in
my school, listen to Modern Talking's
latest record and then I'd make some
porridge and sit down in front of the
computer, to hear MC Mullet's AWESOME
mix. Man, those were the days..."
"Yeah, man, they sure were..."
[PuterLord]
Well, now we all know what MacGyver's
first name is: Milo.
Breakpoint 4k
Breakpoint 4k
Splttermnky by Triad
[Puterman]
A 4k from Iopop, wowee, haven't seen
that since... never? Anyway, this is
about as Iopop as it gets. You get two
colours, no graphics and essentially
no code. So it's not much of a demo,
is it? Well, it's Iopop, the Omar-S of
the C-64 scene, who does his thaaang.
If you can dig it, you might as well dig
this as any of his demos. If you don't,
you might as well stay away.
[Puterman II]
We can dig it, as this guy coded our
magsys. Triad forevah!
Fourking by Dekadence
[Puterman]
I've always had a hard time taking
Britelite seriously as a coder.
He's mixed good stuff with really,
really bad stuff, uninspired music with
8x8 parts etc. You know the deal, he's
released quite a lot of stuff during the
last 5 years or so. The first really
solid release from him was Beertime
IVA, which we wrote about a couple of
issues ago. Here's another one, a 4k
that means business.
[PuterNemesis]
I have to point out that you've also
spoken highly of releases such as
Beertime II and the fabulous Nivussieni
in the past...
[Puterman]
You're right of course, but me
neglecting to mention one good release
by Britelite isn't going to ruin the
entire mag, is it? Are you trying to
provoke me? You want a piece of me,
huh? You want a fistfight? You want
a fucking fistfight? I'll tell you
one thing, cloudfucker, you're in
a fistfight with the devil, man, a
fistfight with the fucking devil, man!
And you know that one must fall...
Right, so after sorting that out, let's
get back to the demo: the chess part
is the one thing we'll all remember
from this one. That one's enough to
almost make you think "Krill class 4k".
But then again, had it been Krill,
he'd showed a couple of more parts in
the same class. Britelite isn't quite
there yet, but he's definitely getting
better and better. This 4k is like
a mix between a 4k demo by Krill and
Vaippaihottuma by DKD, mixing both the
good and the bad stuff. I can't say I
care much for the tune, but then again,
you rarely do in 4k demos, do you?
Artefact by Plush
Or was that 666 Lightyears from Earth by
Plushlight? Sure, I might be slightly
biased, but it seems sort of obvious to
me that the main source of inspiration
for this demo came from a demo by me.
Krill captures the essence of that demo,
and manages to squeeze that essence,
the magical sugar, into less than
$1000 bytes.
Of course, a lot gets lost on the way
when the compression algorithm is as
lossy as that. Where did the robots go?
Why do the edges of that rotating planet
look so jagged? Why is the frame rate
so low? Why is the music so repetitive?
The answer to all of these questions is
of course the size thing.
I'm suitably impressed, but I still
feel that this whole concept might
have gained from some more fat, some
grease in the machinery. The kind of
grease that might have made this into
a full-size onefile demo. Maybe even a
multiload one. I'm not used to feeling
that Krill's 4k demos lack something.
This time I do. It's lacking flow
and speed. It's lacking sprites in the
planet part. It's lacking the kind of
stuff that you could throw in if you had
more memory. So basically, I'm not as
madly enthusiastic about this one as
the people who vote at CSDb (9.5/10
right now), but I like it. I'm not
really in the mood for comparisons right
now, so I'm not going to try to decide
whether this is Krill's best 4k so far,
or whether Britelite was actually the
moral winner this time. What I know is
that Krill is a great coder who has done
the 4-5 best 4k demos in the history
of the C-64 4k demos (which isn't very
long, granted), and this one is also a
nice and ambitious production. I'm just
not sure if it's up to his standards.
It probably is, and I'm just too old
to be able to appreciate this nusk00l
stylee. Anyway, thumbs up and see you
in another universe sometime.
[PuterFlower and PuterLord]
We also have opinions on this thing, as
well as the whole 4k compo, but those
opinions are classified. Sorry for
the inconvenience!
Miscellaneous demos
Miscellaneous demos
Bne or bust by Bitnop Designs
[Puterman]
New group, small demo. I like the fact
that they did something more than just
a logo and a scroller. It all looks
pretty nice, except that the graphics
are ugly, but this is their first
production, so we'll save the harsh
comments for the future.
Chili Power by Instinct
Jackasser partycoded this fresh looking
part at Maximum Overdrive. I like.
But not in the way that I have very much
to say about it. And give us a longer
scroll text next time! :)
4k by Limp Ninja
Limp Ninja aren't to be taken seriously,
but this is a pretty fresh-looking
little part. Too bad about the raster
bugs and the ROM font.
[PuterFinn]
I have to point out, though, that fake
demos are always great fun if you're
involved or know the people who are.
I'm not involved in this one, and don't
know these Limp Ninjas, so this isn't
much fun. But it does make me think
of White Ninja, a character who always
makes me smile, so thumbs up for that!
Nada by Level 64
[Puterman]
Zed Yago's brain doesn't seem to work
like any other C64 coder's, so it's
always exciting to see what he's come up
with. This time it's only three parts,
but I like them all. The parts don't
exactly fit together, but it's not like
I care. It's nice to see some parts
with real graphics in them for once.
More of this stuff, please. The last
tune is pretty nice, too.
Newt0rn by Enthusi
I don't know what to make of this
really. The idea is sort of nice,
if not all that original, and the
graphics could have been more well
chosen. But my major gripe with this
little demo is that it's not a demo.
It's silent, what's up with that?
And what's going on on the screen isn't
all that nice. But well, I guess this
is a debut release, so we'll accept it
and hope for something that feels a bit
more complete in the future.
I have to point out, though, that this
really is on the edge of the acceptable.
The only reason I can think of why no
music was added here is that the coder
was too fucking lazy to rip a tune
from HVSC, link it in and add about 5
instructions to play it. That's really
lazy. We're watching you, dude...
Volatile by Panda Designs
A small and simple demo from the
Pandas this time. Nothing in it is
really special, but it feels pretty
cool anyway. It's nice to see that
my grandson m0h is getting active,
and that he keeps the faith in silly
scrollers about Buzzie's mom. Thumbs up
for the fuckings and for using the word
"asswanker".
And yeah, I agree with Radiantx, more
small demos like this one, please.
[PuterLord]
And I think the only reason why you're
not slagging this one is that you know
the people involved. If this was made
by some random group from Turkey, you'd
tell them to piss off, right?
[Puterman]
As hypothetical as that scenario is,
it might be correct. But what do I
know, am I suddenly going to try to
deceive myself into thinking that I can
be objective?
Pirate Intro by Nori
Another debut release, we seem to be
getting a lot of those lately. This one
is of the simpler kind, just a picture
and a scroller, but what the heck,
we're content with that for now.
Fakrastr by Shocktrooper
Sweet mother Mongo, another debut
release, what is this? Anyway, another
simple one, of course, but with a
bit more coding done than Nori. The
graphics in this one are really ugly,
but Shocktrooper did everything himself,
so we'll forgive him. But not twice.
Never twice... One gong is no gong,
but two gong is gong-gong!
Does Karita Know? by Speedfisters
This is probably what a coop release by
Iopop and Afrika would look like, but
Speedfisters did it first. Thumbs up
for the seriously drunk and disorderly
scroll text writing. And the main
screen actually looks pretty nice.
[PuterFlower]
Asswankers!
[PuterALIH]
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
[Puterman]
Thanks for contributing to this mag,
man, you know we've always looked up
to you! You know you're the #1 poet of
the C-64 scene!
Membertro by Crypt
It's got style and a bit of the vibe,
but it's really not much to talk about.
It's nice to see more people making a
comeback, and I hope they keep their
promises of more releases. We'll report
on those in upcoming issues of this mag.
A coop demo with Tropyx? No comment.
selfish.28 by Dekadence
Ah, Britelite and his 8x8 plasmas...
This is a quickly thrown together affair
with some recycled parts and a boring
tune. I still like it quite a bit,
though, because the design idea is sort
of fresh, and the two different colour
schemes means that you get two demos
(or well, one and a half maybe) for the
price of one. Thumbs up, although the
colours aren't all that well chosen.
[PuterOswald]
But there's no CODE here! Demos are
about CODE! RECORDS! TUNNELS! OMG!
WTF! LOL!
[Puterman]
Calm down, Oswald, the beauty is in that
old Amiga RPG.
[PuterLordi]
BRITE LITE HALLELUJAH!!!
Intro by Hokuto Force and Onslaught
[Puterman]
I'm not quite sure what the point of
releasing this separately is. This is
about as average as crack intros get.
Primary Star 06 Invitation by Anubis
A good way to persuade me that a party
isn't pure crap is that an invitation
is released. It doesn't have to be
very impressive or anything, but the
fact that someone takes the time to
put together some code, music and
graphics makes me feel confident that
the organizers know what they're doing.
There's nothing special about this
particular invitation, it just does
it's job. The logo screen is pretty
okay, while the picture on the second
screen is pretty horrible, but that's
the kind of variation we've come to
expect from the graphics machine JSL.
The code is also just there to display
the graphics and the text, so I'm not
going to waste any more text on it,
except to say thumbs up for doing this,
guys! Everyone should of course visit
the party!
Cinder Shadow by TND
Speaking of machines, Richard has
had a tendency to throw out releases
in great numbers in the past, but I
have a feeling that he's calmed down a
bit lately. This is another one of his
small demos, consisting of a picture,
a tune and a scroller. In his best
moments he produces stuff that makes
me think of the Compunet era. In his
worst moments he releases stuff that's
just pointless. This demo is more on
the good side, at least potentially
(virtually? masochistically? why am
I writing so much nonsensically?).
The story or prose poem is scene poetry,
but there's nothing wrong with the
ambition of blowing a simple demo
up into something more, by writing a
scroller with a theme. Some online
comments suggested that more pictures,
accompanying the text, would have made
it more interesting. Maybe so, but if
the text had been good enough in itself,
more graphics might have drawn your
attention away from it. As it is, more
pictures would probably have improved
the demo.
Rohrschach Final by TRSI
Someone give me a phat spliff and I
might appreciate this. (But then again,
if I was stoned I would probably choose
to watch a good demo instead, and enjoy
it immensely.)
[PuterObjective]
Still, it's sort of unfair to just give
this a one line review, when far less
ambitious project have received a much
more in-depth look.
[PuterHarsh]
Who cares, I just don't find this
interesting.
Collections
Collections
[Puterman]
The only collection of any kind that's
been released since that last issue
of NSR is TND's DMC v5.0 Album #5.
This one shouldn't surprise anyone.
You get 8 tunes by Richard, in his
usual style. Some of them are pretty
good, others aren't.
Richard will probably be the last
musician in the scene to stop doing
music collections and just throw out
SID files instead. Thumbs up for that,
of course. And hey, lamers, learn this
now: quit hogging and pass the dutchie
on the left hand side. Er... I mean,
quit doing direct-to-HVSC releases and
get in touch with the machine again.
Feel the vibe of the C-64, the way
Richard does.
And this will probably be the shortest
chapter in any issue of NSR so far,
so I'll extend it a bit by throwing
out some greetings... Greetings to
the hardcore Swedish party posse,
ie. Hollowman (are you down with
the Cube?), Maktone with gold in his
beard, speedmeister Zabutom, drunk
and disorderly Pantaloon, mr. Vodka,
dr. Sasq, my son Buzzie, his son Moh,
their hangarounds Eleric and Jallabert,
Pragge Praggelito, the gassed out Wix
and his Girlfiend, mr. "I'll confiscate
that booze, thank you" Lithis, Radiantx,
his evil twin brother Barium, Twosheds
and all other speedwankers that I can't
remember right now.
Mags
Mags
Arachnophobia #35
[Puterman]
According to the directory, the long
wait is over. There's finally a new
issue of Arachnophobia. Oh, how we've
all waited for this. Not. Anyway,
we're not going to judge them by
previous issues, although they've all
sucked, and the editors deserve to be
ignored for producing such utter crap
in the past...
In a way, it's impressive that they've
managed to release so many issues, but
then again, that's not impressive in
itself. It would have been impressive
if they'd manage to release 35 (or at
least 2) great issues. They haven't.
Arachnophobia has always been the
scene equivalent of crap. ("Crap"
is also known as "Scene World", and
Arachnophobia have actually managed
to be even less interesting than Scene
World in the past.)
Anyway, so what about this new issue?
Any improvements? Well, just a short
aside first: if you use the phrase "our
beloved breadbox", you're bound to get
a serious fucking slagging in this mag.
And it's used already in the (very
short) editorial in Arachnophobia #35.
Back to the main question, are there any
improvements in this issue? FUCK NO!
The news consist of text sent to
the editors by separate groups.
Role dominate here, of course, as they
are the editors. Leon is nr. 1 on the
graphics charts, which is of course
pathetic.
[AntiPuter]
Everyone loves Leon. Stop dissing Leon.
He rules. Great graphics, man!
[Puterman]
Fuck off! Anyway, Hollowman beat me in
the coder charts, which of course sucks
(and that in turn means that the mag
sucks even more), but then again, I beat
Crossbow, which doesn't happen often,
although he hasn't released anything
for some time, so who cares?
Some of the other articles are so short
it's pathetic that they even considered
including them, much less actually
included them of course. I could go
on here, but this is basically a new,
pathetic issue of Arachnophobia, a mag
that we haven't ever been interested in,
because it's always sucked, and which
still sucks. So who cares? Well,
obviously I do, as I wrote such a long
review of it. But you know, after the
long absence and everything, I figured
they might have actually spent all that
time improving something. No way, these
people don't improve, they grow inwards.
Oh, and the animation of the running
robot, used during loading, is still as
ugly as it was 10 issues ago. To sum
it up: PA-fucking-THETIC.
[PuterFlower and PuterLord]
Great review there, man, you're saying
what we probably would have said if
we'd written anything about this piece
of crap!
Game Over(view) 29 and 30 by OUR FUCKING
GOD ALIH
[Puterman]
You know what it's like, we release one
issue, ALIH manages to push out two,
although he has even more pathetic
material to write about. Oh well,
he's a genius, we're epigones.
What's a bit troubling is that ALIH is
showing signs of giving up. Sure, most
of the games released these days are so
crappy that they don't even deserve a
one line "review" (consisting of about
5 words, out of which at least 3 are
"fuck"). But if Game Over(view) gives
up, what hope is there for the rest
of the scene? I don't know, probably
not much...
I feel like I have to quote ALIH here,
from the editorial of issue #30:
"As an aside, wow, thirty issues.
What the fuck?" Indeed, what the fuck?
This is so fucking amazing I hardly
know what to say. That doesn't mean
I'm going to stop talking, of course.
[PuterLord]
Wow, we even got greetings in issue #30!
[Puterman]
Indeed, we rule more than most people
are able to comprehend. But how cool
are these new issues? As cool as ever,
of course. One thing I've often noticed
while reading the reviews in Game
Over(view) is that ALIH's points are so
simple, while we always have to present
arguments in favour of our views.
Just look at the review of Bubbles in
#30: "sometimes, you can't fucking fire
- for no apparent goddamned reason".
WTF is this shit? What if I could just
write: "sometimes there's not even
a fucking DYSP on the screen in this
fucking demo". Wouldn't that be sweet?
Yes, it would be sweet as fucking honey.
(Or sweet as this fucking bullshit
that I'm pushing your way. Oh well,
fuck you too, asswankers!)
I can relate to everything ALIH says
about playtesting. God damn, try to
play the game and see if it works at
all, if it doesn't, fix it! But then
again, I work at a company that produces
commercial games, and we seem to fail
to do that pretty often as well, so how
are people producing free games for the
C-64 going to succeed?
So what's the verdict after all this
bullshit? It's of course that Game
Over(view) always rules, while other
publications always suck. ALIH, keep
this going at least until I die, please!
