The Link 04 Cabbage

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               #CABBAGE#
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             by  STIGS/MSR

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       ! oh yes oh yes oh yes!!! and
what, may i ask, is the cabbage, besides
a green sub-masticatable substance??

answer: an elitist rant surpassed only
by placing one's head up one's anus!!

as a majority of''the link''readers are
not contortionists in any way, shape or
form (i bid!), then it would appear to
me that all of them would much prefer
to read cabbage, rather than think twice
about placing their head in such a viol
place as their anus, (or in this case)
their anii.

i am promptly informed that such silly
questions as''what's cabbage?''do not
actually (or usually) crop up in normal
everyday conversation, however, in order
to make the general point clearer for
the public and other viewers of this
here wad of urine-soaked toilet roll,
i have compiled a list below which will
clarify all manner of curiosities -

CABBAGE - green vegetable with round
          heart or head of unexpanded
          leaves.

CABBAGE - that is to say.

CABBAGE - kind of analgesic and
          febrifuge, tablet of this.

CABBAGE - worth quoting!

CABBAGE - opening antiphon of the
          vespers for the DEAD.

LAV - lavatory.

CABBAGE - brown substance got by heating
          sugar or syrup.

CABBAGE - dunghill, refuse heap, SHITOIR

CABBAGE - fish eating amphibious marine
          mammal with flippers.

CABBAGE - diehard reactionary.

CABBAGE - the precursor of chemistry.

and now, here is a complete list of all
the comments sent into the link, all
commenting on this particular chapter.

+ james was the biggest of the twins.
+ a more kinder lady you could not meet.
+ the best team won the football match.
+ fred was the most fat of all the
  runners.
+ who is the tallest, jack or betty?
+ he proved to be the ignorantest
  person.
+ of the two, i like george best.
+ a badder boy i have never known.
+ the sailor lifted the thinnest end of
  the rope.
+ the patient made the wonderfulest
  recovery.
+ 'oh!' shouted the boy,''i have hurt my
  finger!''
 ''indeed!''exclaimed his father,''you
  are lucky to get off so lightly.''
+ ya mag kicks!
+ laugh and grow fat!
+ misery makes strange bedfellows!
+ look after the pence etc.
+ in for a penny in for a pound!
+ fine words butter no parsnips! (what?)
+ neither of them has failed as both of
  them is right in five sums.

hmm. seems to me that people aren't
taking this chapter with a grain of
salt, moreso with a shitload of ipecac
syrup. (remeber to keep well away from
electrical appliances when dealing with
this!)

isn't it wonderful?

anyway, next on the agenda is my theory
(brand new - just postulated!)
concerning the colour white. now, after
a smelly (stinky!) 3rd grade teacher


tried her hardest to tell me that the
colour''white''was not actually a colour
but a reflection of pure light, i got
really angry. why? well, i had a white
jumper at home, and just after the old
stink-bag (pardon the pun!) informed me
that there was no such colour as white,
i was asked by someone if i owned a
white jumper or not. (i'm still trying
to work out why in the hell they asked
me that question!). i promptly told them
that i didn't know. i also told them
i happened to have a jumper that
reflected pure light. they then stared
at me right between the eyes and
yelled angrily -

''hute joosue jjsglsuw hhsdg hsjd!! jis
 snooey hhduusk kkaj ask, kakd!! ksja,
 nndka hhdiiell kkajdof uusyofdm jadhf
 ksklpp lld flsd uf skd fls dlfsf ls f-
 lshuudh ikd fk. ksjfud jlsd ukas!! d!
 wonk ksls ks df skd flsd ssjjdjdo and
 s-s-ssssuedio. jskkau dhks djs djs ww
 hjd aks dj akksd ksjd fks dkfs skd !!
 alas ujd ck slsfd fld fkd sld fjs dkf
 kdkf we fjs RIDENTS kdf kddhs jjhsdie
 iiwe kia:s ijlwk dodma odmsdnn ldkwje
 aldf l:s:dsjs hgsgfkd kldfdkjfgf shff
 fff:d:f jjdgdjf ttwoedosd dhdgfjd hdd
 jdjfgs djahsbsjd hxbxcvvxj sjfhnxbfk
 jskjsdbbdbabmsmb asmdnshdjksdhsgdjsda
 asjhdgaskjhbsljhghdlhghgfkhgfkhgkhgks
 djgfskjfhgsjkjhskhgfkhgkjsgkjhfgkfgff
 dmhd jbdnbsmnbvcxb ckjhbcvjbdl, bdkjv
 djdjkjfhdfjsjdf fjdnfjz sghfmstgd fdf
 jsd fjf wfkd fjd fs jd jdfj jdhnds dd
 jhsd dj ddgas dfdhs fgsd dfhsf us!!''

i politely asked them to remove the
tow-ball from their mouth and repeat the
comment. they complied, and to my horror
i found that what they said wasn't even
relevant in the first place. in fact,
they were trying to ask me if i knew the
way to clark street, wickham.

from this chain of events i think you
can all understand clearly how i
arrived at my conclusion. my theory is
that 3rd grade teachers are wrong when
they try and tell you that there is no
such colour as white. i think that there
is. i also think that when some fuckwit
tries to ask you if you own a white
jumper or not, and then recites the
complete works of e.e.cummings with a
towball in his mouth, just ignore him.


this concludes cabbage for this issue.

in the next issue of the link, this
chapter will not be called cabbage, but
will be called''EDWARD WRITES HOME''
let's see you do an icon for that one!

             until next time,

     in for a penny, in for a''paynd?!''

   stigs/msr/sloppy drippy smelly smegma








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