Ahead 3 Girls About Boys

                                        
           girls about boys             
                                        
               written by               
                                        
        a girlfriend of me(dch)         
                                        
 the phone rang. i picked it up. i'm    
 free,free! gabi yelled. "i'm fine,     
 thank you, and you?"                   
                                        
 "ok, here's what happened,"she said.   
 "yesterday, i was ready to die. i      
 thought it was my last day in the play,
 the original actress was coming back.  
 in the play, i'm this independent per- 
 son and i run around and have opinions 
 and interact with other people and it  
 sounds nuts. but lately, only when i'm 
 on the stage have i felt alive and     
 happy, have i felt like me. i was real-
 ly upset, and then, suddenly, i thought
 i don't need the play to feel alive in 
 my actual life! so i broke up with marc
 i'm no longer marc's girlfriend and,   
 also, i'm still in the play!"          
                                        
 i felt a wave of nostalgia, like when  
 i hear american pie on the radio. i    
 rememered the day my last boyfriend    
 and i were both crying, and then he    
 walked out of door  and the door       
 closed and i sat thinking nothing for a
 few minutes, and then something snapped
 in my brain, and suddenly, out of now- 
 here i remembered who i was, my aware- 
 ness of self flooded through me. it was
 a very mid-seventies early-feminist    
 moment, when independence was prized   
 over connection. then the phone rang   
 again and i was back in the nineties.  
                                        
 "well" said ulla, "he's ruined my life,
 so i'm going to ruin his. he'll be     
 really sorry he fucked me over.        
                                        
 " you dont have to let him ruin your   
 life,"i said. "there's a certain amount
 of chice involved. i know he was sleep-
 ing two others girls and lied to you   
 hundreds of times, but...."            
                                        
 "he's up for this job," said ulla, who 
 is a very powerful girl in publishing, 
 "and i've got a call in to make sure he
 doesn't get it. do you think he's      
 miserable? do you think he misses me?" 
                                        
 "what do you care what he thinks?      
  the boy's a scumbag."                 
                                        
 "i know, i know, but do you think he's 
  sad about me? i checked his mail this 
  morning. i threw away his bank state- 
  ment. i visited his neighbors. they   
  hate him now. i want him to crawl back
  to me. on his hands and knees. i want 
  to tell him to go fuck himself."      
                                        
  "guess what happended to yesterday," i
  said.                                 
                                        
  i miss him so much," she said.        
                                        
  i finally hung up with her and went to
  meet peter at the corner coffee shop. 
  i'm heartbroken," peter said.         
                                        
  "still?" i asked testily. "oh,sorry.  
  it just seems that everyone i know is 
  breaking up and they're way deep into 
  it and they're all calling me for     
  advice and i dont know what to say any
  more. can't anyone talk about the     
  weather?"                             
                                        
  "looks like rain," said peter.        
                                        
  "doesn't it, though?"                 
                                        
  "rains reminds me of her," he said.   
  "i thought it might," i said.         
  i cant believe she's gone," he said.  
  "she's right down the street, and     
  she's gone. i really fucked up big."  
                                        
  "look, you weren't even that crazy for
   her until the first time you two     
   broke up, remember?"                 
                                        
  "no it wasn't exactly that, here's    
   what happened...."                   
                                        
  "don't tell me. the worst thing about 
   people splitting up is that they have
   this compulsion to relate every      
   detail of every munuscule moment of  
   the breakup to anyone who will listen
   i know i'm mean to you, but i have   
   been florence nightingale for months,
   and you're ready to move on"         
                                        
   "no i'm not."                        
                                        
   "yes you're . i know that breaking up
    is a primal pain, major sugery of   
    the psyche, almost as bad if some-  
    one has died. at least you're not   
    being a regular guy and pretending  
    it's not happening.                 
                                        
    guys tend to avoid all the grief and
    anger and consequently stay damaged 
    all that hurt and rage festering    
    inside them for years. but i think  
    your are staying attached to her.   
    you've got to get a grip. let her go
    she left you, she's going on with   
    her life. and you're getting into   
    this pain too much.                 
    you know what ulla's doing?"        
    "i dont care."                      
    "ulla broke up with the crep six    
     months ago. she still thinks about 
     him every day.she's devoted to ruin
     ing his life. she's still comp-    
     letely involved with him.          
     she's afraid to be alone and this  
     is her way of staying connected.   
     peter,move forward. get a life."   
                                        
    "oh what do you know?" peter said.  
     i went home. the phone rang.       
                                        
     "well, it looks like kurt and i are
      separating," said rachel, " i hate
      that son of a bitch! i hate all   
      men!"                             
                                        
     "ok rachel listen to me. here's    
      what can expect..."               
                                        
      and i told her everything i had   
      learned since this hideous        
      epidemic of breakups began. that  
      you lose probably evert sgred if  
      self-esteem you ever had. when    
      you rejected(and even if you're   
      the one intiating the breakup,you 
      feel rejected) by the person with 
      whom you have the most primal     
      connection,your most miserable    
      thoughs about yourself confirmed. 
      you feel ugly and stupid and fat  
      and smelly. you feelutterly un-   
      lovable. you hit rock bottom. but 
      it doesn't last forever.          
                                        
      "well, aren't you a little of sun 
       shine," rachel said.             
                                        
      "then there's the feeling of  aban
       donment, and the humiliation of  
       facing people and admitting you  
       couldn't make it work. and the   
       dreadful fear that no one new    
       will ever love you again..."     
                                        
   "shut up or i'll shoot you" rachel   
    said.                               
                                        
       "on the other hand, if you were  
   with the right person you wouldn't   
   have broken up. so after you go      
   through the clouds. you'll feel re-  
   leased frome some kind of awful bon- 
   dage and wonder what you could have  
   seen in the guy anyway. you'll feel  
   free! free like gabi. she's bubbling 
   with joy."                           
                                        
   we hang up. the phone rang (again)   
                                        
   "i'm so miserable!" gabi cried!      
                                        
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