The Link 12 Humour
From C64 Diskmag Wiki
hi and welcome to yet another laugh a
minute section of the link.
we hope you are enjoying our style of
humour,if not then please let us know &
we will see what we can do for you.
we have had some good jokes sent in from
overseas,but we ask you please print,as
some of the writing is very hard to read
so sit back,kick your shoes off,and have
a good laugh on us.
till next issue see ya uptonogood/editor
with aids reaching a national epidemic,
we wish to salute your steps taken with
this dreaded disease,by announcing a
NATIONAL CONDOM WEEK.
we at whacker,packer and sacker advert-
ising wish to do our part in this effort
and have come up with the following list
of possible slogans to promote NATIONAL
CONDOM WEEK.
----------
regards;
dick whacker for peter packer
whacker,packer & sacker advertising
ny,ny 10010
possible slogans promoting NATIONAL
CONDOM WEEK
cover your stump,before you hump.
before you attack her,wrap your wacker.
don't be silly,protect your willy.
when in doubt,shroud your spout.
don't be a loner,cover your boner.
you can't go wrong,if you shield your
dong.
if your not going to sack it,go home and
wack it.
if you think she is spunky,cover your
monkey.
it will be sweeter,if you wrap your
peter.
if you slip between the thighs,be sure
to condomise.
she won't get sick,if you wrap your dick
if you get into heat,package your meat.
while you are undressing venus,dress up
that penis.
espicially in december,gift wrap your
member.
never deck her,with an unwrapped pecker.
don't be a fool,vulcanise your tool.
the right selection,check your erection.
wrap in foil,before checking her oil.
don't catch a bug,cover your slug.
this one is dedicated to all you piss
heads out there.
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dear boss,
why i did not show up for work yesterday
i had 12 bottles of whisky in my cellar,
and was told by my wife to empty the
contents of each and every bottle down
the sink,so i said i would proceed with
the very unpleasant task.
i withdrew the cork from the first one,&
poured the contents down the sink,with
the excepton of one glass,which i drank,
i then withdrew the cork from the second
bottle likewise,which i drank. i then
withdrew the cork from the third bottle
and poured the contents down the sink
again,with the exception of one glass,
which i drank.
i hastily pulled the cork from the 4th
sink,and poured the bottle down the
glass,which i drank. pulled the bottle
from the cork of the next,and drank one
sink out of it and threw the rest down
the glass,and poured the cork from the
bottle,then i corked the sink with the
with the glass,bottled the drink and
drank the pour.
when i had everything empited,i steadied
the house with one hand,counted the
bottles,corks,sinks and glasses with the
other,which were 29,and as the house
came by,i counted them again,and finally
had all the house in one bottle which i
drank.
i was not under alcofluence of incohol,
as some theople pink i was. i was not
half so thunk as you might drink. i
foolt so feelish i did not know who was
me,and the drunker i stood the longer i
got.
your obedient servant
al caholic
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if you bastards can read this the right
way,you must be as pissed as him.
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how does a blonde turn on the light
after sex? she opens the car door.
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why does a blonde have t.g.i.f. on her
shoes? toes go in first.
----------
what do blondes wear behind their ears
to attract men? their ankles.
----------
how can you tell when a blonde has been
using a computer? there is liquid paper
on the screen.
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why did the blonde climb over the glass
wall? to see what was on the other side
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what does a blonde and a 747 have in
common? both have a big black box.
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why do blondes like tilt steering? more
head room.
a well known volunteer fireman came home
from drill one night and told his wife,"
you know we have a wonderful system at
the job:at bell 1 we all put on our coat
at bell 2 we all slide down the pole,and
when bell 3 rings we are on the truck &
ready to go.
from now on we are going to run this
house the same way".
"when i say bell 1,you strip naked.
when i say bell 2 you jump into bed and
when i say bell 3 we are going to make
love all night".
the next night he came home from work &
yelled "bell 1". his wife immediatley
took off all her cloths. "bell 2 " he
hollered and she jumped into bed. "bell
3",and he jumped on her and began to
make love.
in a few minutes,his good wife began to
yell,"bell 4". stunned,her husband said
"what the hell is bell 4?" "more hose",
she said,your nowhere near the fire".
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what job did the blonde do at the m & m
factory? proof reader.
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ok fellows its time to buy the loved one
a present.
a mismatched pair of gloves
---------------------------
a young man wished to purchase a present
for his sweetheart and after careful
consideration he decided on a pair of
gloves. accompanied by his sweetheart's
younger sister,he went to a department
store and bought a pair of white gloves,
the sister purchased a pair of panties
for herself. during the wrapping the
items got mixed up. the sister got the
gloves and the sweetheart got the undies
without checking the contents he sealed
the package and sent it to her with this
note.
dearest darling,
this is a little gift to show you i
have not forgotten your birthday. i
chose these because i noticed that you
are not in the habit of wearing any,when
we go out in the evening. if it had not
been for your younger sister i would
have chosen the long ones with buttons,
but she wears the short ones,that are
very easy to remove.
these are a delicate shade,but the lady
i bought them from showed me a pair she
had been wearing for three weeks and
they were hardly soiled. i had the sale
girl try them on and they looked really
smart. i wish i could put them on you
for the first time. no doubt other men's
hands will come in contact with them
before i have a chance to see you again.
when you take them off,blow in them
before putting them away as they will
naturally be a little damp from wearing.
be sure to keep them on when you clean
them or they might shrink.
i hope you will like them and will wear
them for me on friday night.
all my love
p.s.
just think how many times i will kiss
them during the coming year.
also,the latest style is to wear them
folded down with the fur showing.
----------
i hope with this next one,that you can
understand it. its called MISSISSIPPI.
first m's she's a come,then isa come,
then she's come twice,then isa come
again,then she's a come twice,then i pee
twice,then isa come again.
----------
this is an irish exam paper. time to do
it is seven weeks. one week extra for
reading this paper. answer any 2 quest
ions. each question is worth 50 marks.
1.who won world war 2?
2.who came second?
3.what is a silver dollar made off?
4.explain einstien's theory of hydro-
dynamics,or write your name in block
letters.
5.spell the following:(a)dog(b)cat(c)
carrot.
6.what time is the news at ten on?
7.approximately how many commandments
was moses given?
8.there have been six kings of england
named george,the latest being george
the vi. name the other five?
9.write down the numbers 1 to 10.(marks
will be deducted for every number out
of sequence.
10.who built stephenson's rocket?
11.after what area was the yorkshire
ripper named?
12.of what country is dublin the capital
13.do you understand newton's law of
gravity? (answer yes or no)
14.spot the deliberate mistake:an apple
a day gathers no shit.
15.name the odd man out of the following
cardinal heenan,the pope,jack the
ripper,archbishop of canterbury.
16.who is the odd man out?
shamus o'toole,sean o'flattery,
mahatma ghandi,patrick murphy.
17.name the winning jockey in the 1981
greyhound derby.
18.who built the pyramids? walt disney,
macdonalds,pharoahs,acme construction
19.in the 1981 sheepdog trials,how many
were found guilty.
----------
why did god give blacks rhythm? because
he fucked up their hair.
----------
why did god give a blonde 2 more brain
cells than a cow? so that when you pull
her tits,she doesn't shit on the floor.
----------
how do you make a blondes eyes light up?
shine a torch in her ears.
