The Link 05 Humour

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what do you get if you cross OMEN with
a PAINTER ?


a BULLSHIT ARTIST!!!


how do you break OMENS nose.

kick his DOGS ARSE!!!


                          from alpha/tsr

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if i had a cricket ball in one hand and
a second cricket ball in the other, what
would i have ?


A FUCKING BIG CRICKET!!!


                         from metro/hype

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what is the definition of DESPERATE?

two vampires fighting over the same
TAMPON!!


what do MARTINA NAVRATILOVA and a FLEA
have in common?

they both love to bit on a PUSSY!!!


                         from orion/cure

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it started off with one TOKE
big enough to make me CHOKE
having bongs to get me HIGH
a couple more could make me FLY
but having bongs make me SICK
dropping acid makes me TRIP
a couple more i lost my HEAD
i think my brain is nearly DEAD
too much drugs, i have to QUIT
waking up i feel like SHIT
my life is one big JOKE
all because of a killer TOKE

                         from rebel/tsr

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there was this girl on the beach, she
had no arms or legs (totally limbless).
this guy walked up to her and said,'have
you ever been PASHED before '
she replied 'NO'
'do you want to be?' he asked
she replied 'yes'
so he gave her a PASH and then said,
'have you ever been FELT UP before?'
she replied 'NO'
'do you want to be' he replied
she said 'yes'
so he FEELS he up and then asks, 'have
you ever been FUCKED before?'
she said 'NO'
'do you want to be' he asked
she said 'yes'

so he picked her up and through he in
the sea. then he said.

'WELL YOUR FUCKED NOW'


                    from genesis/lithium



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           THE BULLSHIT LIST

GHOST SHIT:
you know you've shit, theres shit on the
toilet paper, but theres no shit in the
toilet!

TEFLON COATED SHIT:
comes out so slick, clean and easy that
you don't even feel it. no traces of
shit on the toilet paper. you have to
look in the toilet to make sure you did
it!!

SECOND THOUGH SHIT:
you're all done wiping your arse and
your about to stand up when realise it..
you've got some more!!!

GOOEY SHIT:
this has the consistency of hot tar. you
wipe you arse 12 times and it still
does'nt come clean. you end up putting
the toilet paper in you underpants so
you don't stain them. this shit leaves
permanent skid marks on the toilet!!

POP A VEIN IN YOUR FOREHEAD SHIT:
this is th kind of shit that killed
elvis. it doesn't want to come out
until your all sweaty, trembling and
purple from straining so hard!!!

RICHARD SIMMONS SHIT:
you shit so much, you lose 10 pounds!!

RIGHT NOW SHIT:
you better be within 30 seconds of a
toilet. usually has its head out before
your pants come down!!!

GREEN SHIT:
comes the day after eating a spinach
salad!!

KINGKONG OR COMMODE CHOKER SHIT:
this shit is so big that you know that
it wont go down the toilet unless you
break it into smaller chunks. a coat
hanger works well. this kind of shit
usually happens at someone else's
house!!

CORK SHIT (ALSO KNOWN AS FLOATER):
even after the third flush, its still
floating in there. my god! how do you
get rid of it? this shit also usually
happens at someone else's house!!

WET CHEEKS SHIT:
this shit hits the water sideways and
makes a BIG splash that gets your arse
all wet!!!

WISH SHIT:
you sit there all cramped up and fart
a few times, but no shit!!!

CEMENT BLOCK SHIT:
you wish you go a spinal block before
you shit!!

SNAKE SHIT:
this shit is fairly soft and about as
roung as your finger and at least
three foot long!!!

MEXICAN FOOD SHIT (SCREAMING SHIT):
you know its alrightto eat again when
your arsehole stops burning!!!

BEER DRUNK SHIT(THE GROG BOG):
this happens the day after the night
before. normally your shit doesn't
smell too bad. but this shit is BAD.
usually theres someone standing outside
wanting to use the bathroom. this shit
also happens at someone else's house!!!

supplied by rebel/tsr
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