The Link 03 Cabbage

               CABBAGE

           JOYSTICK PORT 2

           SCAN LEFT/RIGHT

    SPACE to return to main menu



good (sic) mornin'!!!!!!

nice 't seeya. t'seeya..... nice! (sic).


having so feebly completed a complete
and utter chapter (using a silly
tautological term) for the preceding
issue of this here zine (sic), the loser
the loser the loser the loser the puny
and scrawny loser STIGS (sic) is now
gracing your horrible monitors..  next.
although the human being can be
classed as an animal of sorts, it cannot
do some of the weird and wonderful
things which a conventional animal is
(or was at some time) capable of. some
of these things include blowing bubble
nests, eating complete bars of soap,
becoming frightened of rakes, licking
one's own balls (ha ha ha haaaaaar!!!),
or smelling another person's arse (ass),
(don't cry over regurgitated bile!!).
i will now take a new. (page that is!)
hey! i have now taken a new page!!!
i have now taken a new line on the new
page and run over into the next 3 lines
in the process of taking a new line on
this here new page!! lucky i no iced,
otherwise i wouldn't have even known!!
i should (and most definately will) now
take a little time and stray from the
track of animals and their apparent
(unsolicited even!) activity (or plural
thereof in several cases!!). why must i
stray? the reason is over here.......
the main reason is because i have a
strange urge to inform you of some
horrible little things known as cliches!

here are the ones i loathe (lov ) most:

* hit the nail right on the head.
* i wish we could see eye to eye.
* make mountains out of molehills
* 2 bells and all's well.
* get a grip on yourself! (hi incubus!)
* a stitch in time saves nine!!
* alright mate!
* good ridnts!
* fuck off!
* ?syntax error
  ready.
* hello.
* if ya can't do that then ya are a
  lamer! (sic).
* (sic).
* personally i love darren's idea!!
* mc hammer.
* just for the record..
* i seem to have lost my slugs!
  (cuff links!)


now, back to my ideas for your life.

hmm, now, if my memory serves me
correctly, i was crapping on about
animals or some shit...

ahh, yes! thats it!

having quite successfully and fully
dealt with the differing activities
concerning animals and human type
sructures, i will now take this
opportunity to postulate my own theorem
concerning anti-existence.
well, what in the bloody hell is anti-
existence i hear you ask. from my own
thinking, i will inform you that anti-
existence is the failure to exist, or
the mere desire to not exist. before you
even think about arguing, i should let
you all know that i am not (by no means)
mis-informed concerning this subject.
why? the answer is because i have spent
many of the preceding weeks, and days,
thinking (wishing) on my own failure to
exist. wouldn't it be great? yes, yes,
yes, yes and yes!

now, right at this point, the people who
have understood what i have suggested,
will simply reply to my postulation with
a horrible (brilliant) cliche such as...
" hahah! its easy to cease your own
  existence you stupid dickhead!! just
  throw yourself in front of a bus, or
  simply beat yourself about the head
  with a blunt instument you little
  fart! "

to which i reply -

" if a fart will be my name, then your
  mouth mu t be the direction from
  whence i came... "      next.....
then i should loosely inform the people
partaking in the horrible cliche, that
it does not matter whether you are alive
or whether you are dead. regardless of
what you think, you still exist, if not
as a person, then at least as a
substance, or several, or a derivative
of a (smelly) substance. like it or not,
my postulation is completely consistent
with the law - "matter can neither be
created or destroyed..". the next page
will be the final one.
the end is near.
           thankyou for your attention.
if you wish to find out more about my
theories concerning existence in general
then i'm afraid that it happens to be
nothing more than you're own fault.

                            good mornin'

                               stigs/msr

       no compromise - no regrets!








      SPACE to return to main menu