Condom 04

Latest revision as of 04:09, 20 January 2008

[edit] Editorial

 EDITORIAL!
 ----------

yo reader ...

it's condom-time again so lean back and
enjoy it.

the best songs of 1990-report had to be
canceled cause of lazyness...(uuaah!)

here are the guys who present your fav
mag:

ROUGH/hitmen : hardcore,hip-hop,e.b.m.

BAD CAT/duel : thrash,hardcore,punk

JAKE :         crossover,hardcore,indy

again the instructions for any latearri-
vals:
+ : next page
- : last page
<space> : menue

 the credits :

 INTRO :

 code :            bad cat
 music:            rob hubbard
 char :            omega
 logo :            jake


 MAIN PROGRAMM :

 code :            bad cat
 music:            hithouse/trc
 1x1 char :        genesis project
 2x2 char :        cosmos









 for questions,articles,letters,votings,
     and so on write to:

                 CONDOM
              XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
              XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
              XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


 now over to some words from jake ...













                          <+> please

brumm brumm boys and girls!

this is one more time JAKE on the keys!
first i wanna give ya an explaintation
why i write this time a part of the
              EDITORIAL

well, let's start from the beginning!
on this nice sunday morning (after
venlo) my pal ROUGH phoned me and told
me sumthing, which i don't like at all!
he said, that he was kicked out of
HITMEN! as i asked after the reason, he
told me, that i was the reason. i was
perplex! then he told me, that yester-
day in venlo, everybody laughed about
HITMEN! the reason for this behaviour
was simple....they laughed, coz rough
of HITMEN and i (jake) of TRISTAR edit
this mag. and as TRISTAR has a lame call
in the scene, they laughed about HITMEN!
in the morning rough got a call and
there JIHAD/HITMEN said, that rough is


outta HITMEN now. after a long discusion
he took rough at least again back!

that was the story. but now the main-
reason for this long bullshit! and
pleeze read this very careful......

i joined TRISTAR a month ago. as i
stopped all swapping-activities, i did
not know, that they have a lame call in
the scene. the more the time ran away,
the more i got angry. i got in ONE MONTh
not ONE real cool spread-sending from
our hq (?). as i am no fool i stopped
also my gfx-activities for TRISTAR!
so here is my decision, which felt very
easy to me....i left TRISTAR, coz they
are really lame. remember...not one
spread-sending in one month and more &
more members left. at first i can re-
member DENSE, then DESIGN, then VIOLATEr
and at least JAKE. that's all! beside
that, i think it's childish from jihad


that he wanted to kick rough, coz this
mag 'condom' is a pure music-mag and
the main-reason to be an editor is, that
ya hear cool music. but i think, now
everybody is satisfied again. for all
who can't understand my last sentences,
i pack the text together to one sentence
     I AM NOT ANY LONGER IN TRISTAR
last messi:
i didn't left, coz rough told me or so.
i left inofficial two weeks ago after
my own decision. but now i am official
outta 'em. guess i hang up here!

hey sodom from eschweiler!
rough told me, that ya wanna swap tapes
with him! well, what about sending MY
tapes first back. do you remember who
i am??? maybe ya wonder, why i stopped
swapping sum time ago with ya! i never
told it to ya, but as i know ya read
this here, i will write it here!
i stopped swapping in may '90, coz first


yer stuff was too old. but the main-
reason was, that ya seemed very arrogant
to me with each sending i got more &
more! i sent ya two tapes full of punk-
and hardcore-stuff and in the next
sending ya wrote, that I should send
YER tapes back, even wether i know, that
ya received my tapes! but okay...shit
on the tapes! if ya wanna start swapping
again, then write to my new addy, okay!
i like every cool guy, which hears the
same music, like i do! EMILS RULES!

phew, what a long and uninteresting text
i think i really stop brumming here!
so ya can press <+>             u now!

                        jake/???
                                off...






 i would like to thank a lot these dudz
 the whole CONDOM staff
 nothingface/spherical design
 my dear CHRIS,which is always there 4
 me...YOU'RE GREAT,GIRL!
 all REAL music lovers       and to
 the staff of METAL HAMMER   ursi,ofcos
 the staff of D.J.MIXAGE
 all the clubs and centres i use to be
 VRONI,for listening to me
 ZWERG,for having always a great time
 VAMPIRE,for being a real friend
 COLOMBO of AUTHENTIC ARTS,for being the
 damned freakiest'n kulest scene friend
 i have...let's party!
 birgit,jihad,all chili peppers fans,
 kai(for snuff!),ralph and the rest

 a special piss off to mikey for being
 fuckin' addicted(guess what?) and to
 all people who cant understand that
 it's fuckin' equal that spermbird was
 in tristar...

£ be sure to grab edition number 5








            SEE YOU .... ROUGH is off

[edit] Tourdates

 TOUR DATES!
 -----------

 AC/DC
 26.03. (d) stuttgard,schleyerhalle
 27.03. (d) mannheim,maimarkthalle
 30.03. (d) frankfurt,festhalle
 31.03. (d) nuernberg,frankenhalle
 01.04. (d) hannover,eilenriedhalle
 03.04. (ch) zuerich,hallen-stadion
 05.04. (d) koeln,sporthalle
 07.04. (d) dortmund,westfalenhalle
 09.04. (d) muenchen,olympiahalle
 12.04. (d) oldenburg,weser-ems-halle
 13.04. (d) kiel,ostseehalle

 holy moses + artillery + howlin'mad
 09.02. (a) wels,alter,schlachthof
 12.02. (d) kaufbeuren,zeppelinhalle
 13.02. (d) regensburg,factory
 14.02. (d) zapfendorf,topact
 15.02. (d) barlin,ecstasy


 JUDUSP PRIEST+ANNIHILATOR
 08.02. (d) essen,grughalle
 09.02. (d) hamburg,sporthalle
 11.02. (d) berlin,eissporthalle
 12.02. (d) hannover,eilenriedhalle
 14.02. (d) saarbruecken,saarlandhalle
 15.02. (d) ravensburg,oberschwabenhalle
 16.02. (d) wuerzburg,karl-diem-halle
 18.02. (d) offenbach,stadthalle
 19.02. (d) muenchen,olympiahalle
 20.02. (a) wien,ca-zelt
 21.02. (a) graz,eisstadion liebenau
 23.02. (a) luzern,festhalle
 24.02. (d) bozen,stadthalle
 04.03. (d) stuttgard,schleyerhalle
 05.03. (d) ludwigshaven,eberthalle

 DEEP PURPLE+VIXEN
 13.02. (d) frankfurt,festhalle
 14.02. (d) ludwigshaven,eberthalle
 15.02. (d) muenchen,olympiahalle
 17.02. (d) hamburg,sporthalle
 18.02. (d) berlin,eissporthalle
 20.02. (d) essen,grugahalle
 22.02. (d) freiburg,stadthalle
 23.02. (d) wuerzburg,carl-diem-halle

 G.W.A.R
 14.02. (d) bremen,schlachthof
 15.02. (d) hamburg,markthalle
 16.02. (d) berlin,ecstasy
 17.02. (d) bielefeld,pc 69
 18.02. (d) essen,zeche carl
 19.02. (d) frankfurt,batschkapp
 20.02. (d) stuttgart,longhorn
 21.02. (d) biberach,koma
 22.02. (d) nuernberg,komm
 25.02. (d) muenchen,theaterfabrik
 26.02. (a) wien
 27.02. (a) linz,posthof
 01.03. (d) freiburg,crash
 02.03. (ch) zuerich,rote fabrik
 03.03. (ch) fribourg

 dead milkmen
 14.02. (d) karlsruhe,katakombe
 15.02. (d) ravensburg,jh
 16.02. (d) muenchen,kulturstation
 18.02. (d) braunschweig,fzw
 19.02. (d) hamburg,markthalle
 20.02. (d) frankfurt,negativ
 21.02. (d) wuppertal,boerse
 22.02. (d) dortmund,fzw
 23.02. (d) enger,forum
 24.02. (d) koeln,rose club

 MEGADETH+special guest
 11.03. (d) duesseldorf,philipshalle
 12.03. (d) nuernberg,stadthalle fuerth
 15.03. (d) MUENCHEN,deutsches museum
 16.03. (d) saarbruecken,sporthalle
 17.03. (d) hannover,music hall
 18.03. (d) berlin,eissporthalle
 19.03. (d) ludwigshaven,eberthalle

 MOTORHEAD
 27.02. (d) hamburg,docks
 28.02. (d) duesseldorf,philipshalle
 01.03. (d) neumarkt,jurahalle
 02.03. (d) lichtenfels,stadthalle
 03.03. (d) berlin,weser-seelenbinder-h.
 05.03. (d) bielefeld,pc 69
 06.03. (d) hannover,music hall
 07.03. (d) mannheim,maimarkthalle
 08.03. (d) voelklingen,sporthalle
£09.03. (d) frankfurt,festhalle
 11.03. (d) muenchen,deutsches museum
 12.03. (d) ruhstorf,niederbayernhalle
 13.02. (d) straubing,gaeubodenhalle
 14.03. (ch) zuerich,volkshaus

now bad cat's finger are tired of writ-
ing so see ya in another corner.

besides i will perhaps visit the MEGA-
DEATH concert in MUNICH on the 15 of
march. if you want to meet me, i'm the
one with the nose,the two eyes and of
course two ears so be seeing you there.
also a report in one of the next issues.

[edit] Charts

 charts...
 ---------

as we got too less votes this time we
skip them,therefore some personal charts
from us...
rough's personal lp's...
 1.alien sex fiend   another planet
 2.bad religion      against the grain
 3.tankard           meaning of life
 4.beatles (???)     (sum collection)
 5.red hot chili p.  mother's milk
 6.kitaro            silkroad
 7.front 242         tragedy for you
 8.spermbirds        thanks!
 9.faith no more     the real thing
10.guru josh         infinity

looks strange,but it's fuckin' true!






£my single top 10
 ----------------
 1.alien sex fiend    another planet
 2.megadeth           holy wars
 3.beatles            whyle my guitar g.
 4.c+c music factory  gonna make u sweat
 5.alien sex fiend    nightmare zone
 6.e.m.f              unbelievable
 7.sodom              an eye 4 an eye
 8.soup dragons       i'm free
 9.alien sex fiend    sample my sausage
10.boris mikulic      break free

well,what to say,music is my life!

[edit] News

 news
 ----

- after a long time run dmc released
  a new lp! i heard only 1 song yet but
  it's fantastic (with riffs from stone
  roses)! hope that i get the record for
  the next edition

- george clinton and frank farian,both
  producers,wanted to make a studio re-
  cord with the formation cue,but they
  disagreed,because they want to be a
  100% live troop...yeah,wise decision!

- look out for the kool and the gang co
  ver 'fresh' done by soulife,which will
  soon hit your dance boards! the singer
  went to school with queen latifah...
  cool,or wot?

- the new european dmc champion (dj -
  competition) got the british dj reck-
  less!

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

- a new female singer tours through asia
  europe and south america with their
  band unstoppables...nothing special ex
  cept that so-called love hewitt is 11
  years old and celebrated as wonderkid!

- in february there's going to be the
  german dmc dj competition and in march
  there's going the world cup in london
  (wow,great music coming up!)

- look out for unlimited pleasure by
  lovemachine,a new dance sensation,
  which is played already as mtv power-
  play...hmmmmmm!

- front 242 finally thrown out their nu
  lp 'tragedy for you'! i already heard
  a little bit in it...not bad! next
  time there should be a test of it!



- have you ever heard of the band
  primus? no! then check out at once
  one their lp's! because their are
  absolutely cool...their music sounds
  like a mixture of faith no more,funk
  and lunatic asylums! good!

some veeery short new lp tests...

special ed...legal       good stuff
poor righteous teachers...holy intellect
veeeery veeeeery great hardcore rap
vanilla ice...to the extreme...bah! what
a lame lp...ice ice baby was cool but da
other sonx are big bullshit....fuck him!
run dmc...back from hell  great vanyl!

a hint for the end: buy a scratch button








brumm brumm screeee..ee.etch!

jake presents ya again a part of the
             NEWS-CORNER

i think, i gabbeled in the editorial too
much and so i will start immediatly with
the news:

- after two years, the techno-metal-head
  from ACCU$ER are back with new vinyl,
  called 'double talk'. it should be a
  very brummy record with jazz-elements!

- KILLER DWARFS kicked their guitar
  player mike after the US-TOUR.

- the new CORONER record is not released
  before the summer.

- the mega-cult band 24-7 SPYZ is going
  to break up soon (snief!!). their
  shouter left 'em and roumors say, that


  they will break up maybe soon!

- a good news for the real death-metal
  freaks! the mega-brummy and old band
  POSSESSED is going to reform soon!
  the line up has nearly completely
  changed....only the shouter is the old
  one. the genius: mike torrao!

- the record-company TELDEC has renamed
  to EAST-WEST-RECORDS! what a fuckin'
  name!

- a guy, named adam (not you rough!!)
  won the STAGEDIVE-CONTEST in bochum!
  he made a salto in the arms of the
  security-dudes! really brummy, eh?

- one of the best bands 1990 was the
  funky-brummy-coring-metaling FAITH NO
  MORE. after a brummy live-video (i
  saw it..phew, just cool!) they release
  a live-mini-lp soon!


- the strange hardcore-band GWAR is
  gonna tour a second time through
  germany! yeeeaaah, i'm going crazy,
  when i see them again! they promised
  a complete new show, as the old one!
  if ya miss this chance, then kill
  yerself! they make the best life-show
  i ever saw! even M.C.HAMMER (i do not
  like him!) looks with his brummy
  trousers, like a disabled little
  school-kid! (look to the tour-dates
  for GWAR!)

- ouch, ouch! the full-brain-stormed
  DEICIDE canceled their germany-tour!
  after the bass of glen benton (the
  silliest guy of all!) was stolen (YEP)
  they decided to go back to USA!
  roumors say, that glen dreamed one
  night before, that the bass is gonna
  be stolen! (PHEW, my laugh-muscles
  ache!!) he should join DEATH, coz
  chuck has the same neuroses, hehe!


- OVERKILL found a new guitar-player!
  his name is rob cannavino! but to
  make their sound more powerful, they
  search for a second one!

- TANKARD will release a new live-ep
  called 'fat, ugly and live'.

at least a news for the whole computer
scene! as everybody knows, there is
again a new lamer-coop. ARMY (urgh!)
and A-TEAM! but that is not enough! as
a pal send me their stuff, i first check
out their cracks! there was a game
called SCUMM. as i liked the sound,
i wanted to ripp it! okay i searched in
the memory and then i found it...not
the tune, but a complete trainer-menu
from ARROGANCE/X-RAY! hey dannie/ARMY+
A-TEAM! i have seen a lot of re-crackers
but ya beat everything! if ya're unable
to crack and must re-crack (maybe it's
yer addiction!!) then clear the memory

£
okay! and again the truth is said!
at least i wanna say, that i found the
zak at least (boah!!!!)
ARMY/A-TEAM sucks!

                       jake off...

[edit] Tests

 LP.TESTS
 --------

 first BAD CAT with some older lp's
 bought this month:

 BEWARE/SHAH

 just one thing to the pronaunciation of
 SHAH: it comes from the russish and it
 is pronaunced like the german word
 SCHACH and it has the same meaning in
 the russian language. now back to the
 the real thing:
 this lp was released in march 1989 by
 the russians. the cover alone is really
 worth a look. on it there are three
 laughing skulls. really looks funy. the
 music is thrashy. tracks: total deves-
 tation,beware,coward,bloodbrothers,save
 the human race,age of dismay,threshold
 of pain,say hi to anthrax!
 say hi to anthrax, only some seconds
 long contains some funny lines:

 so
   kill'em all!
 and
   reign in blood
   who's bying peace
   spread the disease
   stand up and fight
 but don't forget
 it's
   slippery when ...
 shit! ...it's wet!

 theese lines contain many titles of
 lp's and it's a really funny song! this
 lp is not for common use. only for guys
 that hear all between metal and thrash.
                       rating: 78%

 HANDLE WITH CARE/NUCLEAR ASSAULT
 the name nuclear assault might be a
 notion for you. they play straight
 trash and not bad. with their text they
 critic the common problems: drugs,ani-
 mal tests,nuclear waste,racism,...

 all in all a good lp. they remind me of
 EXODUS. so if you're a fan of them you
 can also buy this one and it's of
 course for all thrash fans.
                     RATING: 80%

 this one is new:
 YUMMY!/HARD-ONS
 this one is a real hardcore band. a bit
 more influenced by punk. a little bit
 too slow, but if you pump up the volume
 to max, this will not matter.
                     RATING: 80%

 video:INNUENDO/QUEEN
 this single was taken from queens new
 lp innuendo. the music is not the old
 queen style like IT'S A KIND OF MAGIC
 but also not bad.the video on the other
 hand is fabulous! the men in queen did
 not act this video. the scenes in which
 queen appear were cut from old videos.
 a big hand for the regiseur.
        RATING...music:60% , video:90%

...and again JAKE brumms ya through the

              TEST-CORNER

this time i have not so much lp's, but
nevertheless i will start now with....

GWAR - scumdogs of the universe

i never heard this band before, but then
i saw a video-clip on mtv and i was off
the socks (on the rocks???) i can't
describe, how crazy they perform on the
stage. but to the music! i call their
style myself 'spacey crossover', coz
the shouter and the music itself is very
crossover-like, but the sounds in the
background of sum songs listen like sum
weird space-creatures. i searched very
long for this record and found it finaly
on cd on a local record-shop. if ya miss
them live, ya're an asshole!
                       beefcakes...90 %


A.O.K. - baguette attack

well, this is no real record! a.o.k
calls their style themselves 'nothing
core' and it sounds like this. simply
noisey crap is up. this lp is nothing
for music-lovers, but a.o.k has its own
temptation! just listen in yer record-
store to tracks like 'brombeerhagel',
'sind wir rockstars oder roggenbroetchen
 (part ii)', 'was soll das, steffi?'
(goettlich!) und 'mim taxi ins autokino'
and ya will understand, what i mean!
no booze-party without a.o.k!
                       rating...(??)%

EMILS - fight together for...

this is the first record of the emils
and i only test it here, coz i think it
is worth to be tested! hardcore with
superb german lyrics, like always pared
with lots of melody!
                       rating...90 %

BAD RELIGION - against the grain

yeah, the fans want it...and they get it
bad religion released their new lp and
nothing has changed. the music is like
always genial and the lyrics ...without
any words. and bad religion is not only
sumthing for hardcore or punk-freax. i
think that other guys will also like it
coz it's very melody'n'fast good music!
on this position i wanna greet my pal
uwe in muensingen, who's one of the
biggest b.r.-freax on this earth!
                       rating...97 %

MEKONG DELTA - dances of death

who has ever heard mekong delta's old
lp's?? they are very strange (with
classic orchestras and stuff like this!)
i liked it, coz it remembered me a litle
bit to voivod, who is one of my favour
bands! the new album of m.d. is nearly


completely changed! mercyless thrash
comes out of my stereo. the only thing,
which differs from other thrash-bands
is, that the first side has only one
song with a length of 19.04 minutes!
still really strange, eh??
                     rating...85 %

and now....CONDOM proudly presents as
the world FIRST music mag......the new
lp of.........SEPULTURA!
yeah freax, ya read right! the lp is
officially released at the middle of
february, but as we are always faster
than all others, i, the mighty jake,
will give ya now a preview about the
three songs i heard. but before i start,
i will give ya sum infos. i heard the
3 tracks on my favourite radio-proggy,
coz they played 3 three tracks of the
rough-(not you adam!!)mix-tape!
the new SEPULTURA record is titled
'arise' and i can't name ya the tracks


.hichi heard, but they were fucking
great! be sure, that this record will
beat everything, which ya ever heard on
the thrash-market! the last lp, 'beneath
the remains' was great...'arise' is
already now cult! i'll be the first,
who buys this piece of black vinyl!
rating next time in yer test corner!!

mezzy to my editor friends: pleeze don't
write, i am in GWAR or SEPULTURA-fever!
or am i??? arrrgh!

        moshus slammus beefjake
                               off..


now to sumthin' completly different:

        roughs tests.....





* c+c music factory/gonna make u sweat

i tested this already 2 editions but as
i heard it more often now and it also
entered the charts i changed my mind a
little bit...it's not only good,it's
simply great......sausages:92%

* kim appleby/don't worry

remember mel+kim,the popper duo? well
after mel died on cancer...,kim is back
with some new songs,but forget them!
they are booooring....apples:37%

* candyman/knockin' boots

sure you know this song,coz it's old but
i didnt test it until now and i think it
is so sweet...hehe! funny rap for nice
people...'oh,boy! i love you so,never
never let you go'     candies...70%


* joey b.ellis/go for it!

rocky returns to break every nose...in
the last rocky movie a pop song was the
main theme,but they went with time and
released a house dance record,very chart
like,sounds like a mixture of c+c music
factory(+) and snap(-)! not bad
               knock outs...67%

* kroeger/das modell

yeah,kraftwerk rules! sum wannabees cove
red this awesome song and undertook him
with dance rhythmn! well,nice....
kraftwerk is 100 times better!
               modells......54%

* mc hammer/pray remix

well,pray is only average but this dance
able remix is very kewl! there's even an
own video available for it...
               churches.....75%

* dr.alban feat.leila k/hello africa

the first time i heard this song i wonde
red a little bit,but i thought at once..
wow,what a great tune! dr.alban mixes
hip hop style and orginal africa themes
perfectly with his and leila's voice!
a good record...buy it! rate...81%

* blue pearl/little brother

still remember one of the best independe
nt dance records...naked in the rain???
well,little brother is more soul and of
coz slower! a nice tune,but you cant com
pare to the first song,which is one my
all time houze fav's
                pearls...67%

* whitney houston/i'm your baby 2nite!

bah! what a shit! earlier songs from her
were very cool(great melodies)! but this
one is bullshit...return to your old sta
ndard,woman     babies...17%
* p.m.simpson/miss you

you maybe thought his first distribution
was a one-day fly,but this was is also
good,maybe not so good like the otha one
but again sweet-rap with his soft voice
poppers will love it...62%

* madonna/justify my love

if you dont know this song,you must be
damned lame...becoz it's played every-
where...so only the rating! nice song
to listen to...  sex....65%

* e.m.f/unbelievable

the first time i heard this tune i thoug
ht that emf are little kid,who copy the
big rave musicians...but you must hear
it more and you'll love ! this song is
extremely good for playing at partys to
bring the people to dance...you're un-
believable...buff!
              wet shirts...85%
* nomad / i wanna give you devotion

this song is not sooo well-known,yet,but
be sure that you will soon hear it every
where...a chartbreaker for sure! great
female voice,great rap voice,danceable
rhythm and a cool feeling...get it!
               camels...79%

* run dmc / what's it all about!

na! my masters are back and how! their
new song is a kewl hip hop tune featurin
guitar riffs from stone roses' fool's
gold(great song,too!) check it out,rap
lovers! walk this way to the record shop
and buy the lp (test:next edition)
              snare drums...83%

* betty boo / 24 hours

betty's new release is again very rhythm
like! not her best song(where are you
baby?),but good anyway! i need it not
24 hours but you can hear it often..70%
£ dimples d./sucker dj

i'm wondering why this tune didnt break
the charts already...it's already old +
has all things a chart song has to have!
good females voice+dance rhythms! be sur
e to see soon as #1 ! yeah,suckaz!
                suckies...88%

[edit] Adds

contact JAKE for swapping the following
kinds of music.....HARDCORE, CROSSOVER
PUNK, INDEPENDENT & FUNK METAL!
write fast to:

            jake/CONDOM staff
            XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
            XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
            XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

suckers, which like nazi or skin-groups
like boehse onkelz or endstufe etc. will
be punsihed with death from my bare hand
okay??

if ya wanna swap GRINDCORE, DEATH METAL
THRASH METAL or SPEED METAL tapes, then
contact....
            scatter/SILICON
            XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
            XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
            XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

also for 0-10 days stuff swapping!

if ya wanna join the FEDERATION AGAINST
NAZIS, write to:

              marcus
            XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
            XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
            XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

we sell yer demo-tapes and copy tapes
very cheap! if ya play in a group, send
us yer demo-tape and we'll see what's
up! 100% answer. ya'll get 50% of the
money of the sold tapes! or contact us
simply, if ya wanna have copied tapes,
records & cd's in 1a quality very cheap!
only 1 mark per tape!

          DISTORTED TAPES INC.
            XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
            XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX




£
 A$COT/SINISTER is looking for contacts
 all over the world. if your interested
 then write to :

            XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
            XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
            XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

[edit] Special Reports

 SP.REPORT!
 ---------

and again the boyz from HAUSALARM stroke
together with a band called SCHWEISSER.
they played my(bad cat) hometowns JIG on
saturday the 26.1.91. as we are close
friends to some of the band members, we
visited the show again. the band is good
known in the jig, the atmosphere was
bombasic. they had a repertoire of 10
songs,some self written,as they were in
front of the main attraction: scweisser.
they did their job well done. one self
written song of them is still good in my
mind: THE FRAGGLES, the title tune of a
grman tv-series. they took the song and
raped it on stage with their guitars,
voices and drums. i was happy to getting
out after they had finished cause it had
gotten very stuffy in there.also my eyes
were burning from the smoke in there so
i went home. rough stayed there a little
longer and told me that schweisser was a
geil hardcore band but nothing special.

 next time:

 - ALIEN SEX FIEND report by rough

 - perhaps a MEGADETH-report by me,badie
   in the next or the one after the next

 - sumthin' by jake


 now let's go over to a report about
 THE BROKEN KALASCHNIKOWS+
 STUMMELSCHWAENZCHEN












jake here, jake there....i'm everywhere!
this time, i am in the LIVE ON STAGE
corner! as there was no cool concert
in the last month, which interested me,
i simply report of a gig, from a local
band!

on the friday, the 25th, there should
play the group of a friend of mine,
called 'BROKEN KALASHNIKOWS'. as i
work sumtimes as roadie for a band, i
worked also on this evening as roadie!
i carried together with a pal, the p.a.
system on the stage (??) in the very
little club, called 'omega'. as pay for
my hard work, i got free entrance and
endless beer-support (yeah!). on the
concert-poster, there stood a second
band, called 'n.b.t. & muell'. i never
heard of this band before, but the
drummer of b.k. said, that's a new punk
band from erlangen. yeah i was surprised
after pizza-eating, boozing and talking


the first guests entered the club at
about 20.00 p.m. we entered the back-
stage room and boozed on. as i had to
piss, i left the room (unusual, eh??)
and then sum girls asked me, if i am
a member of 'B.K.'? i said:'no, am i
looking so?? i'm a member of the group
CHICKEN FUCKERS?' they said, that they
never heard of this group before, but
then i told, that we will soon play
our first gig! they said, that they'll
come for sure! at about 20.30 p.m.,
the support band, called 'STUMMEL-
SCHWAENZCHEN' (on the concert-poster
n.b.t. & muell') entered the stage!
and they made a great show! at the
beginning, they put all off their shirts
to play with naked body! in the back-
ground they played the sound of 'tutti
frutti'. genial! as they began to play
nobody could hold me. i slammed like
hell to their songs like 'pogo in der
strassenbahn' or 'revolution'!


and the craziest of all, happened in the
end of the show. they shouter intro-
duced the following song like this:
'und jetzt kommt unser einziges liebes-
lied! hier is' ...freundin!' and then it
came! the basser said in the micro:
'freundin??? wie geht 'n des nochmal!!'
the audience screamed like death!
all in all it was a very cool gig!
a real erlanger punk band! i think, they
should play sum time with 'PILS 2.80 DM'
also a erlanger punk-band! then came
the main act...the BROKEN KALASHNIKOWS!
the gig was not so good! but maybe the
reason is, that i don't like the music
so much, as the play hardrock-metal!
as i said, the gig was not so good!
but i think the audience liked the band
very! at about 23.15 p.m. the lights
went on, and we began to carry the p.a.
back to the places, where they stood
normally! finally we destroyed the
light-system and everything went wrong!

£
at about 1.00 a.m. i was in my bed and
was really stoned (endless beer-support)
that's all from me in this chapter!

                     jake off.....

[edit] Letters

 LETTERS
 -------

 i think this corner is useless cause
 nothing's arriving at our plk.

 if there is any letter from a contact,
 he writes:'nicely done' and that's it.
 there areno real critics.
 you are bad readers.do sumthing against
 it: write in ! addy's in the editorial.
 at least tell us what we could do in
 this corner or what we could make out
 of it.

  hoping to talk to ya in a letter next
   time ....    bad cat off .......

[edit] Bullshit

 let's go over to sum BULLSHIT...


load"small-jokes",8,1
searching for small-jokes
loading
ready.
run:

a nun stands on the pavement hitchhiking
a manta-driver stops. nun:i would not
have expected YOU to hold. driver: bat-
mans friends are also my friends.

why have manta-drivers a chess-board in
their boot?
that they can transport even more pawns.
(bauern)

two cows stand on a telephone pole.says
one: don't fall down. says the second:
doesn't matter, my grandma has a kiosk.
  ( really silly joke )


two go through the desert.says the one:
let me walk in the middle,too. (haha!)

two go on the street, the second has a
dollar,too.(they get sillier'n'sillier)

two cows are sitting in the coal-cellar,
while hacking oil. says the one:tomorrow
is xmas.replies the other:doesn't matter
i won't go there.

one with a knife in his back comes to
a doctor.the doc asks: does it hurt ?
he answers:only if i must laugh. (wuah!)

?lunatic error in 200
ready.



so now my brain is really stoned from da
silly jokes. now sumthing completly
different (+)

£
 imagine painting all pictures you can
 paint on your c64 with 160*200 in 16
 colors:
 that would be: 10^38531.83944 pics.
 a really big number.
 all pictures you can imagine would be
 shown with a programm :
 - you reading da condom
 - me writing the condom
 - you fucking any woman you like on the
   mount everest
 - hitler,stalin,saddam and videl castro
   on one pic in hell being fried

 a 10x10 square in 2 colors would have:
 10^30.10299957 possibilities.
 a programm drawing 1000 in a second
 would take 10^17.82604171 YEARS to show
 all. you surely getting old watching'em
 let's go to a pc/at with a resolution
 of 640x480 in 256 colors.that's
 10^739811.3173 pics ..................
 that's a number (phui!)
                        <space>

D64 MD5: bd95797988c616d2f82cecded37d0da1