Ymgve at 17:21, 29 November 2007

2007-11-29T17:21:30Z

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<pre>Libellous

So, you thought you were safe.

You looked through this issue of Skyhigh, and saw
that you were not mentioned.

No-one ragged on you, no-one had a bad word to say
about you.

But all that is about to change.

You have entered the realm of the shoe-man, and his
new chapter.

This may only be a once off, but, even then, be
afraid, be very afraid.

After all, in the scene, no-one can hear you scream.

You have entered the chapter known as

LIBELLOUS
LIBELLOUS

In case any non-English readers are unware of what
this word means, it is the adjective of the verb
To Libel, which means:

To write a statement damaging to a person's
repuation.

But the good thing is, it is all lies.

So, do not take any of the stuff in this chapter
seriously at all, just get into the new year spirit,
settle back, and have a good ol' laugh.

---------------------------------------------
Shall we begin with a sum-up of the scene so far
this year, and what will happen from now on, in my
wise opinion? Sounds good.

SCS + TRC
SCS + TRC

Troubles lie ahead for this mammoth group! Rumours
are that Splatterhead is going to leave soon, as he
wishes to go to the Gansta's Paradise in the sky,
where he can paint walls, and call himself "Homeboy"
which he sadly can't in the scene, due to the name
being claimed by another famous scener. Rene had
this to say on the subject:

"Yo nigga's, lets rise up and fight the white man
oppressor! Lets rap homeboys!"

Sadly, when it was pointed out that he was actually
white, he burst into tears and wouldn't stop until he
was allowed to cuddle his AK-47. Poor baby....

Other rumours about the group were that Spectator
has become just that in the scene. He watches as
the mail piles up on his doorstep. We have heard
exclusively that Spectator says

"Yeah, sure, I'm in SCS+TRC, but why the fuck does
that mean I have to give first releases to them, and
not to Xenon?"

The rumours that he has changed his handle to
SpectatorofXenon/SCS+TRC are false, and should be
disregarded.

AVANTGARDE
AVANTGARDE

Its been a smooth time for the Avantgarde this year,
and the group is soon approaching it's second
birthday. Apparatly the official birthday party has
been cancelled, as Deff is starring in the second
movie based on the popular Nintendo characters,
the Super Mario Brothers. It is said that in his part
as Super Mario, Deff will have to fight an evil
monster known as Master Card, and will, ironically,
fail.

Suicide and Jack Alien faced problems this year, with
JA's music being just too much for Suicide to face.
Suicide can be quoted as saying:

"Robert has far too varied music tastes for my liking
one minute he might b playing something where the
singer shouts "AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH" down
the microphone, and the next it might be some other
singer saying "WWWAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH". It
was too much. But, the only saving grace was that
every song of Robert's has the same guitar part and
rhythm."

Suicide is currently working in a Betting Shop, where
he was hired on the promise "I can fix anything you
want." He is currently being investigated by the
fraud office.

Old timer, and almost original member Derbyshire Ram
is currently far too busy to send out to any of his
contacts. He has apparantly decided that since he
has already decorated every corner of his house,
that he will try and set a world record, by trying to
decorate every house in the entire world. He gave
us this exclusive interview:

(L=Libellous)
(D=D-Ram)

L:"Hi Barry! Tell us about your world record attempt"
D:"Well, I want to decorate the entire world. It's like
that time back in '67, no, was it '66? No, I think it was
'67. Ah, that were a fine year. Not as good as '66
mind, as me 'n' Charlie, or was it Fred. No, I think it
was Dave....."
L:"Thanks Barry...."
D:"I'm positive it was George. I think....."

CHROMANCE
CHROMANCE

Foul words are currently flying around the camp of
Chromance. The argument apparantly began when
they lost all their boards, but then started claiming
some more. Apparantly, there is some difficulty in
decided which their main board is, as they currently
have 47 boards, 45 of which are in Poland. Rumours
are that the current favourite for the Polish HQ is
the highly famous "ZCGHKLMQN", run by FDSRTAD of
Chromance. Mr Wax is said to have joined the army
again, just to that he does not have to get involved
in the conflict. He has left Syco in his place, who
gave the official statement that:

"(Hiccup) I really don't care.... Pass the Smirnov."

Interpreters have told us that means "We are
considering it most carefully". News that Syco
changed his handle to "Vladivar" is apparantly fake.

Meanwhile, we have an official comment from
Derbyshire Ram/Avantgarde:

"This is an official comment. It probably won't be as
good as the one I made in '72. Or was that '71. It was
the year that Abrahan Lincoln was shot..."

We'll leave that there and move onto

ALPHAFLIGHT 1970
ALPHAFLIGHT 1970

Its been a tough year for the 'Flight, with many new
members coming, and some old ones going. Styx was
not available for comment, as someone cruely told
him that is was possible to make a new kind of drug
if you caught a Dodo, and ground up its bones. Our
source says he has been looking for 3 weeks for a
live Dodo, and has been beaten up several times for
making enquiries at a Zoo on whether they had a Dodo
or not.

Big shock came this year when Calypso dropped a
lot of his contacts. He made this official comment:

"I have dropped some of my 250 or so contacts, and
kept only 249 of my closest friends. I think I will be
able to swap nice and fast now."

Chotaire recently stated that he has left the world
of card-hacking, and is instead now trying a new kind
of hacking, which involves the slightly more risky
hijacking of a satellite. He says he already has a
space suit made out of all the huge phonebills he
received, but that he is currently waiting to see if
he has been given a place on the next manned
mission to Mars. He says if he steps out of the ship
near the satellite, he doesn't mind a short walk to
the satellite. We didn't have the heart to tell him....

We questions Marc/AFL on an important subject,
whether The Relax or The Best are Alphaflight
magazines or not:

"NO! They are not! They can't be! Its not like either
of them have only got AFL members on the staff or
anything! RRR is not a member of AFL! He may spread
all our stuff for us, and live two houses from me,
draw all our logos, and order his groupmates in
Oxyron to code for us, but he is not a member! We in
AFL do not produce anything! Especially not those
two mags! None of it is connected to us! Just leave
me alone!"

A doctor has been called....

F4CG
F4CG

Shock news has reached us at "Libellous". It seems
that the name of this long time group is to be
changed! They are changing their name to:

WDPP
WDPP

Which apparantly stands for "We Don't Produce
Propaganda". Due to the increasing pressure on the
group to admit that they do acually produce the
magazine, Newscopy had this to say:

"We, the sub-ordinates of the splendiferously
exquisite Solar begrudgingly admit that we may have
a small vocational interest in the production of the
voiciferous magazine 'Propaganda'"

People who understand Newscopy's style of English
are currently trying to translate for us. So far, the
teachers at the UK's most famous university, Oxford
have failed.

Shock news! Derbyshire Ram/Avantgarde appears to
have remembered what he wanted to say! We go over
to him now:

"I am sick of people saying that I have a bad, erm,
what was it..... It begins with "m".... Morris minor? No,
but I did have one of them back in the 80's. Or was it
the 70's? It was a great little, big, red, blue, green
car, bicycle, cabbage......."

Let's leave him there, and move swiftly onto:

ONSLAUGHT
ONSLAUGHT

This new group in the scene has had a lot of success
during the year, and some people believe that is due
to the group having over 300 members. Many people
believe that 300 members is far too many, but one of
their four leaders, Bizarre gave us this quote:

"Hola Amigos! Una cervaza por favor! 300 members?
That is nothing you Eeen-glish pig! Arivadechi!"

Onslaught seem set to break a lot of records in the
coming year, including the record for the fastest
amount of issues of a magazine produced! They are
apparantly aiming to produce and release 19 issues
of Vandalism News during the 24 hours of the X-96!
Vengeance says it shouldn't be too hard to do, as
long as they can keep the news and release charts
up to date.

The official reason for the split between Onslaught
and Hardcore has finally come out! Apparantly, when
Hardcore demanded the co-op be called "H+O", they
had to break it of, for fear of the name "Hardons"
becoming their full name!

Meanwhile, master hacker Jazzcat is here with a
commercial for his new business:

"Hi! I'm David! I'm selling all the cards you could ever
want. Credit cards, Master Cards, AT+T, Sprint,
Birthday, Christmas, Cardboard, Get Well Soon, and
many more! If you need cards, just dial 555-SHEEP
for an instant solution to your calling out problem!"

---------------------------------------------

And now we move onto some quick newsflashes:

Caprice Design/Plush has this to say:

"Hi! I'm Caprice Design of Oxyron! No, I'm in Camelot!
No, Reflex... Shit, I'll get these groups right one of
these days!" 8-)

We at Libellous have managed to get a sneak preview
of the next issue of The Tribune (which will be issue
459). It has changed its name to "Fuck off lamers",
in an attempt to secure the vote of all the people
out their who like to see magazines rag on people.
Apparantly the issue after that will be known as
"The Pulse", to try and get the vote from the elite.

Speaking of the Pulse, we have exclusive news of a
name change for that magazine also. The new name
is:

"WTABOTLHRM"

Which stands for:

"We Talk About Bod Of Talent Like He Really Matters"

Duke had this to say on the subject:

"Yes, we've changed the name as we worship Bod, NO,
I am not worthy to say his name! Let me kneel before
you! Yes, oh mighty one, I will mention you in Satirica
repeatedly, even though I know that no-one gives a
sheep's ass what you are doing any more!"

To join the new religious cult founded by Duke,
simply dial 555-ASSKISS.

Rumours that there will be a new demo from Camelot
are apparantly true. Glastnost has been heard to
say that he believes if he deliberately does nothing
for the demo, he will go flying up the charts. It
happened with Tower Power, anyway (??).

PRI/Oxyron has broken his silence, and has released
a new music collection, called "Same instruments".
The superb composer says "Well, as per usual all
the tunes have the same instruments, and all sound
virtually the same, but I believe it is a great little
collection". We love you really, PRI.

Staying with Oxyron, we have word of a new project
founded by Uncle RRR called "FAF", which stands for
the Federation Against Fun. Apparantly the main
aim of the federation will be to stop magazines
having any form of fun chapters in them. Rumours say
that "We Talk About Bod Of Talent Like He Really
Matters" (ex-Pulse) have already signed up, and
have promised to remove their Satirica chapter, and
replace it with one called "We Love Bod". Apparantly
it will be a chapter which will takes bits and pieces
from the soon to be published "Book Of Bod", which
is a new chapter being added to the Bible. An example
is the new 5 commandments:

1: Thou must do nothing for many a year
2: Thou shalt not worship false groups
3: Thou shalt not recrack
4: Thou must not mention the B-word without dying
5: Thou will vote for Talent and more inactive groups

Wow! Shock group news! Triad has made another
comeback to the scene! Some people are saying that
the only reason the old group is making a comeback
is that they want to try and beat the old record set
by X-Rated, of 1845 comeback attempts. From what
we now, Triad are currently on their 1273rd return
to the scene. No, the record has just changed, as
X-Rated has been rebuilt again. No, they just died
again. No, they're back again! Wow, is this cutting
edge news or what? Apparantly this new rebuild is
being done by a guy who once stood in a dogshit that
a dog owned by a girl who once had sex with a guy
who once bumped into a guy who was the 3rd cousin
twice removed of a guy who has got the letter X in
his name. So, unlike so many others, it is a totally
valid rebuild, and should not be regarded as fake.
During this newsflash, Triad has died 19 times, but
is now rebuilt again.

What a scoop! We have an official comment from the
top coder, TTS/Oxyron! He says "Hey fuckers! Why do
you not vote for me any more! I am still in the C64
scene although I have done nothing for 10 years!
I am working on a new project, called "Far 2 Lazy"
and it will be an amazing idea. It works with the
Action Replay cartridge. If you hit F3, it shows the
disk with the program on to be blank! Cool idea, eh?
It should take me only about 4 years to code. See ya
in the year 2000!"

And finally, we believe we can finally get a proper
comment from Derbyshire Ram:

D:"After many years of work on the C64, with a very
famous career, I have decided to quit the, erm, the
thingy, you know, the... Damn..... I'm going to quit the
thing that we all do.... What's the word. Oh, I know, I
am going to quit the, erm, bugger...."
L:"We're running out of space Barry!"
D:"Bugger off you young whippersnapper. No-one
was this hurried in the old days. That's the problem
with the youth of today, no respe...."
L:"Fuck that...."
---------------------------------------------

And we will finish on that senile note.
The only small note I have to add is this:

PRI, in case you read this, I do love your music.

And that's it.

Shuze/Afl</pre>

Skyhigh 20 Libellous - Revision history

Ymgve at 17:21, 29 November 2007