Ymgve at 23:50, 2 February 2008

2008-02-02T23:50:09Z

New page

<pre> *Network Special
-----------------
Well, in the last edition of Network
Special, we have reported about the
secret diary from Francis Drake, but
there is still something missing, for
sure!
This can only mean a total description
how to become such a glorious pirate!

We'll now start a new 'do it yourself'
creation... [Ed.: No mastrubating!]
The first assumptions should be:

*Young enough, dynamic and successful.
*Witty and charmeful.
*Courageous and not married.
*Perversion and to be horney should be
congential.
*Rum should not defeat you.
*Be sure, not to be sea-sick.
*Don't be soft, condomes are useless..

That were the first conditions you
might bring with you...

If not skilled in any form, you should
better press the
button...

If you think you can become a pirate,
then leave the computer now and visit
a local sail-school, in order to learn
about navigation and other sea-crap...

Now you know the unessential facts
about piratism, [£]^< but please lay
your sword aside ;<=>?for a couple of
minutes, because we want to
educate you in the essential
facts about the glory to be a
pirate.

Now you are ready to read (& excecute)
the important part of this 'do it..'
action...

First of all you should know about the
mercantile part of piratism.
------------
It's useful to take a closer look at
the second-hand-ship-market.
Very important is:*Leaky [yes/no]
*Cannons [yes/no]
*Sails [yes/no]
*Control [Auto/man]
*Wood [good/bad]
*Size [S/M/L/XL/XXL]
*Extra [normal/lux]
Our tip for you.
*Leaky..............[no, 2 years TUEF]
*Cannons.[yes,as much as it can carry]
*Sails..............[yes, very useful]
*Control...[Manual, 6 gears + 2 backs]
*Wood......[Good, but metal is better]
*Size................[XXL=War-Galeone]
*Extras.[Delux, with warm pool,toilet,
refrigerator, lay-'em down
seats...]

Buy a parrot: [Checklist]
--------------------------
*Color
*Size [Head and body]
*Male or female
*Memory [size of head, up to 1MB]
*Fly able [?]
*Speaks languages [interpretation]
*Healthy [?]

If you want the parrot to speak, then
learn the language from parrots and
tell him that you want him to speak,
or have a nice diner in the evening!
...It works, indeed!
[Ed.: Parrot for diner, you know?]
--------------------------------------
And now the useful protection against
the not windy periode...
^
Buy slaves for ruddering!
----------------------------
A little tip: Buy slaves in Europe!
Expensive but powerful...
--------------------------------------

But there are still some things to buy
or to be plundered.
-License to sail............[ha,ha,ha]
-License to kill [You have it already]
-A pretty girl to f++k. [For CALT/GFT]
-Buccaneers............[Who loves you]
-Rum and beer.......[For the evenings]
-Weaponary...........[Useful to fight]
-Galeons-figure.....[For the horniest]
-Chains...............[For the slaves]
-and what ever you want, if you have
enough money....

For more informations write to:

Keyword:'Do it yourself'
666 Pirate-Island
Caribic-Ocean ^

press 'F7' or move
Another point is that you have to
organize the crew. (Buccaneers are
useful, but take a look at their
qualifications...)

For example:-Jason is a professional
sailraiser...
-Bitnapper a good look-out
-Venice keeps the plunder.
-Croon is Torture-king..
-Brix is cannonier..
-A-Bomp is navigator....
You see, that it's not useful to have
fighters. There must be a cook, to
make sure not to die of starvation...
--------------------------------------

Well, you should think about a good
place to hide, because it's not wise
to anchor in a harbour all the time..
Use a little island and build up a
pirate-tavern (Striptease,Beer contest
and parties..).
But think twice, you should not search
for an island in our waters, because
our pirates are always hungry on fresh
meat and new ships...
We don't care about you having the big
fleet. We have the experience in
fighting and boarding. Also plundering
and sinking is our speciality.
--------------------------------------

Make sure to get your buccaneers
educated in handling a cannon or a big
pirates pistol....
Our tip: Fill the gun with a load of
-------- powder and a well-sized [M]
cannonball and try to blast
bottles away. There should be
200-300 meters between you
and the bottle...
But drink it before shooting.

Make sure to buy enough powder and
matches to light it up...

Our tip: Test the Look-out in reading
-------- big and small letters. So you
can figure out the blind ones
who couldn't see a ship
standing infront of them...

Remember: It's useful to buy a pirate-
--------- flag, too! Just because it
will make the other sailours
frightend...

Now it's time to leave the computer
again to buy all the things we have
written down on the pages before...

You have one month time for the
organization and we'll see you in the
second episode of this 'do it ...'!

We'll continue with some technical
details about fighting and plundering.

-Flim Flam & PJD</pre>

Network 03 Network special - Revision history

Ymgve at 23:50, 2 February 2008