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                                                     girls about boys                                                                      written by                     ..."

2013-11-11T12:02:28Z

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<pre>

girls about boys

written by

a girlfriend of me(dch)

the phone rang. i picked it up. i'm
free,free! gabi yelled. "i'm fine,
thank you, and you?"

"ok, here's what happened,"she said.
"yesterday, i was ready to die. i
thought it was my last day in the play,
the original actress was coming back.
in the play, i'm this independent per-
son and i run around and have opinions
and interact with other people and it
sounds nuts. but lately, only when i'm
on the stage have i felt alive and
happy, have i felt like me. i was real-
ly upset, and then, suddenly, i thought
i don't need the play to feel alive in
my actual life! so i broke up with marc
i'm no longer marc's girlfriend and,
also, i'm still in the play!"

i felt a wave of nostalgia, like when
i hear american pie on the radio. i
rememered the day my last boyfriend
and i were both crying, and then he
walked out of door and the door
closed and i sat thinking nothing for a
few minutes, and then something snapped
in my brain, and suddenly, out of now-
here i remembered who i was, my aware-
ness of self flooded through me. it was
a very mid-seventies early-feminist
moment, when independence was prized
over connection. then the phone rang
again and i was back in the nineties.

"well" said ulla, "he's ruined my life,
so i'm going to ruin his. he'll be
really sorry he fucked me over.

" you dont have to let him ruin your
life,"i said. "there's a certain amount
of chice involved. i know he was sleep-
ing two others girls and lied to you
hundreds of times, but...."

"he's up for this job," said ulla, who
is a very powerful girl in publishing,
"and i've got a call in to make sure he
doesn't get it. do you think he's
miserable? do you think he misses me?"

"what do you care what he thinks?
the boy's a scumbag."

"i know, i know, but do you think he's
sad about me? i checked his mail this
morning. i threw away his bank state-
ment. i visited his neighbors. they
hate him now. i want him to crawl back
to me. on his hands and knees. i want
to tell him to go fuck himself."

"guess what happended to yesterday," i
said.

i miss him so much," she said.

i finally hung up with her and went to
meet peter at the corner coffee shop.
i'm heartbroken," peter said.

"still?" i asked testily. "oh,sorry.
it just seems that everyone i know is
breaking up and they're way deep into
it and they're all calling me for
advice and i dont know what to say any
more. can't anyone talk about the
weather?"

"looks like rain," said peter.

"doesn't it, though?"

"rains reminds me of her," he said.
"i thought it might," i said.
i cant believe she's gone," he said.
"she's right down the street, and
she's gone. i really fucked up big."

"look, you weren't even that crazy for
her until the first time you two
broke up, remember?"

"no it wasn't exactly that, here's
what happened...."

"don't tell me. the worst thing about
people splitting up is that they have
this compulsion to relate every
detail of every munuscule moment of
the breakup to anyone who will listen
i know i'm mean to you, but i have
been florence nightingale for months,
and you're ready to move on"

"no i'm not."

"yes you're . i know that breaking up
is a primal pain, major sugery of
the psyche, almost as bad if some-
one has died. at least you're not
being a regular guy and pretending
it's not happening.

guys tend to avoid all the grief and
anger and consequently stay damaged
all that hurt and rage festering
inside them for years. but i think
your are staying attached to her.
you've got to get a grip. let her go
she left you, she's going on with
her life. and you're getting into
this pain too much.
you know what ulla's doing?"
"i dont care."
"ulla broke up with the crep six
months ago. she still thinks about
him every day.she's devoted to ruin
ing his life. she's still comp-
letely involved with him.
she's afraid to be alone and this
is her way of staying connected.
peter,move forward. get a life."

"oh what do you know?" peter said.
i went home. the phone rang.

"well, it looks like kurt and i are
separating," said rachel, " i hate
that son of a bitch! i hate all
men!"

"ok rachel listen to me. here's
what can expect..."

and i told her everything i had
learned since this hideous
epidemic of breakups began. that
you lose probably evert sgred if
self-esteem you ever had. when
you rejected(and even if you're
the one intiating the breakup,you
feel rejected) by the person with
whom you have the most primal
connection,your most miserable
thoughs about yourself confirmed.
you feel ugly and stupid and fat
and smelly. you feelutterly un-
lovable. you hit rock bottom. but
it doesn't last forever.

"well, aren't you a little of sun
shine," rachel said.

"then there's the feeling of aban
donment, and the humiliation of
facing people and admitting you
couldn't make it work. and the
dreadful fear that no one new
will ever love you again..."

"shut up or i'll shoot you" rachel
said.

"on the other hand, if you were
with the right person you wouldn't
have broken up. so after you go
through the clouds. you'll feel re-
leased frome some kind of awful bon-
dage and wonder what you could have
seen in the guy anyway. you'll feel
free! free like gabi. she's bubbling
with joy."

we hang up. the phone rang (again)

"i'm so miserable!" gabi cried!

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